Saturday, October 31, 2009

Late nights = bad idea & 'the whole sleep thing'

We picked my sister up on Thursday, from the airport - she had been in Thailand for the best part of a month, so it was all very exciting, only 'bad' thing was that Gaby had 2 late nights in a row, which inevitably led to a grumpy-over-tired-Gaby!  She was getting so hyped up during the day, that at night she would 'crash', and be a grizzling, screaming, sensitive shell of herself, and of course grumpy Gaby, meant grumpy Mummy - which wasn't fun for ANYONE.  I think the worst part was that even if she went to bed 3 hours past her normal bedtime - she'd still wake up at her NORMAL wake time, so was only getting by on about 8 hours of sleep.

Yesterday she decided a nap would be a good idea - and fell asleep on the couch.  Because I knew how over tired she was, I figured that it'd be okay if she slept...  Was I wrong!  She woke up and then proceeded to be awake until 10pm!  Ugh!  She ended up sleeping in my bed with me, and I'm not sure what time she got up this morning, but I woke up at 7.30am & she was out in the lounge....

I forget how important her bedtime routine is - no matter what else is going on.  If that routine is messed with, then Gaby gets messed up, and then I get messed up - and it usually takes a few days to get back onto an even keel.  She is at her father's today, and is back at 6pm - I am going to make sure she is in bed by 7pm... she has Kindy tomorrow, so no doubt she will be exhausted tomorrow night - and I'd prefer her to be exhausted after a *decent* 'routine' sleep, tonight.....

It's suddenly dawning on me, that I'm going to have to go through this 'whole sleep thing' again, with our baby bean!  When he/s he arrives I'm going to have broken sleep for months, and then the battle to get him/her to go to sleep willingly, rather than fighting it.  I think the most tiring part of parenting IS the 'whole sleep thing' - which is ironic really!  Gaby was a good sleeper, until early this year - when she vomitted in her bed & then didn't want to sleep in her bed for the next 7 months!  It was 7 months of her crying at bedtime, and ME crying at bedtime - and then usually giving in, and letting her sleep with me, because it was the only way she would go to sleep. 

One thing I DID do with Gab, that I will do again, is get baby bean into a bedtime routine, right from day one.  From the day Gaby got home from the hospital, I would give her a bath, we would have quiet cuddles & then I would put her to bed.... and it was like she instantly realised that this time sleep was for more than an hour or two.  She wasn't very old when I noticed that when I would get her ready for her bath, her little mood would change & she would start being quiet, and more relaxed - it was then that I realised bedtime routines are a great tool.  I might not have been able to follow through on any routine, but her bedtime one, for the most part - was extremely successful.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Gaby seems so.. old!

I've noticed the past couple of weeks, that Gaby is suddenly a child, as opposed to a toddler.  She talks to me like a 'real' child now - I can understand everything she says, rather than trying to decipher the toddler babble that I've been so used to.  She's also grown a LOT - she is starting to get so tall, it is amazing...  I've no idea how tall she is, or how much she weighs, but we should be having her 3 year appointment with Plunket (Well Child providers) soon, so it'll be really interesting to find out!!!

This morning I noticed how much her imagination is developing - she was riding around on her little bike, pretending to be a policeman, and then next thing I knew, she had the bike upside down and was being a "bike fixer", because her 'motorbike' was broken.  After her motorbike was fixed, she got her money from her bedroom, and went to the supermarket, because we needed milk and a chocolate treat.  So freakin' cute.  Of course the whole time she was in the confines of the lounge, but in her mind, she was out on the open road, in a workshop, at the supermarket...

I'm so so unbelievably proud of how my little girl is developing - and that she's developing into a wonderful, bright, funny, smart child. 

Monday, October 26, 2009

Never been more glad to be wrong!!!!!!

We have a heartbeat!!!!!!!!!!!

the ultrasound tech started out doing an abdominal u/s - and I was shocked when a gestational sac was evident!  She then switched to internal u/s  - and we were able to see our little bean!  After zooming in really close and watching, she was able to see a heartbeat as well - which shocked me!  I figured that even if things were okay - that it'd be too soon for a heartbeat, but nope - there it was, flickering away like a little butterfly (as she called it).  Heartbeat was 95bpm, which she said was good....

I cried so much when she said there was a heartbeat.... such a relief... :)

Hopefully today, we will get some answers

I rang the ultrasound place this morning, and explained I've been spotting over the weekend, and asked if it'd be possible to get in, today for my u/s - rather than tomorrow...  Luckily they were really good, and I have an appointment for 3.30pm (around 4 hours away).  I know that a day doesn't sound like much, but if I am miscarrying, I'd sooner know NOW, than have the anxiety etc, for another 24 hours.  Perhaps it's impatience on my part, but it's *me*.

I DID read online that baby aspirin (which my m/w put me on last week), can cause early spotting in pregnancy, so I am grasping onto the tiniest little possibility that THAT is the reason behind my spotting.  That said, I think my boobs are getting less sore, and I haven't had morning sickness the past two days, so it is still looking likely that it is an early m/c.  But then part of me thinks "mind over matter" - because I THINK I'm miscarrying, am I stopping myself from having morning sickness?  Yeap - grasping for straws, that's me!!!

Hopefully my next blog will contain a picture of my little bean, but i'm 99% sure it'll be more along the lines of "let the testing [for why I keep m/c'ing] begin"...  Who knows huh!  But as Jason said, I'm not going through this alone, and we will work through whatever happens, together... Which is something I've never really had - so if I AM miscarrying, hopefully having some support, will make it a tad easier to deal with....

Fingers crossed....

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Happy Birthday, Gaby!


Gaby, 8.30am - Oct 26, 2010 - 7 1/2 hours old

Today is Gaby's 3rd birthday!!!!  We woke up at 6.30am, I got out the remainder of her birthday presents & she opened them.  She LOVED the LeapFrog 'Scribble & Write', and kept calling it her 'computer', she played with it for a good half hour or so, which I thought was impressive!  She kept telling us "it's my happy birthday today, I'm 3" - verrrrry cute, you could tell she feels like she's oh-so-important today!

Gaby & Mummy cuddles 
approx 19 hours old

Wow, so this time three years ago, we were just awaiting our first visit from Poppa, on his way to work.  We'd been back in our room for about 2 hours - after a 3 1/2 hour stint in the recovery room...  I'd have been feeling pretty doped up on the pain relief they had given me after my caesarean, and I wouldn't be able to take my eyes, off the precious baby girl who was sleeping in her little bassinet, right next to me.  That first day was so surreal, I guess in part because of the drugs, but also because my dream had finally come true, and it felt like it was a dream...  I couldn't believe that *I* had a baby, that *I* was a Mummy - lovely things like that didn't happen to me, they happened to other people!

2 days old

What have i learnt in my 3 years as a Mama?  I've learnt you will never love someone, as much as you love your own child/ren... I've learnt that baby kisses are the best...  That hearing the words 'I love you Mummy', is the magic fix-all...  I've learnt that kids have a mind of their own and you often need to change your parenting 'strategy', to work best with them... I've learnt that you WILL lose your temper with your child - but that when they are asleep, no matter how devilish they've been during the day - your heart will still be overwhelmed with love.  I've learnt so much more than that, but those are some of the main lessons...

A couple of weeks old


Now for the 'downer'...  I woke up this morning & am now bleeding, so I *know* that I am going to miscarry in the very near future.  If it was anyone else, I'd say "stay positive - spotting/bleeding in early pregnancy isn't unheard of", but for *me*, I know what it means.. I've been here too many times, to believe that the outcome of this bleeding, can be anything other than the 'norm' - a miscarriage.  Right now I am just focusing on the fact that I have Gaby, that she's alive, happy & healthy....  It's the most imnportant thing.. right!

Saturday, October 24, 2009

I've started spotting

Just before going to the toilet this morning, I thought to myself "I was this far along when I miscarried in 2005"... I wiped - and realised I had started spotting.  Naturally I freaked out, burst into tears - I told Jason what was happening and he was wonderful, held me while I cried, talked to me soothingly - he was everything I needed him to be.  I told him that although spotting early in pregnancy doesn't necessarily mean a miscarriage, that in *my* history it HAS meant a miscarriage, and that I had no reason to believe it would be different this time.

Everyone has told me to think positive, to try not to stress, but that is so impossible for me.  I really have TRIED to be positive, but all I am feeling like right now, is a failure... and I *know* that this is the start of a miscarriage for me, that I'm not one of the lucky women whose bleeding is 'innocent' and doesn't effect the viability of their pregnancy.  That's just not me.  I think I have come to terms with the fact I'll most likely lose the baby too, and that I'll be adding to my list of angel babies.  No amount of positive thinking is going to change the outcome - in my opinion anyway.

I just HATE that this is happening NOW.  Gaby's 3rd birthday is TOMORROW, and as with her birthday in 2007, this birthday is going to be marred by me being upset about losing another baby - my precious, sweet, amazing little girl isn't going to be getting the 1,000,000% of attention from me, that she SHOULD be getting.  I'm going to try my hardest, for her sake, to put it behind me (for the day) - because I know that nothing can change what is going to happen, so I shouldn't be sad about it - well, I shouldn't DWELL on it.  Not on Gaby's birthday anyway.

I had hoped that my next blog post would be a happy one, all about Gaby's birthday party, instead it is me having a pity party!  For the record, her birthday party WAS awesome, and she had a really good time - and of course got spoilt by everyone!  I ruined the cake while I was decorating it, and that really upset me.  It was meant to be Mickey Mouse, but by the end it looked more like the cat from 'Itchy & Scratchy' (on the Simpsons).  Gaby asked what it was.... it was such a blow...  But as my Mum said - the most exciting thing for her was blowing out her candle, and that I could have given her a 'lump of poop with a candle on it, and she'd have been over the moon'.  She had a blast with her little buddy - Josh, they were both running around acting crazy, it was pretty cute - especially when Gaby would try to hug Josh & he'd run away from her.  And then when he admitted defeat & let Gaby cuddle him, they both fell over on the concrete & ended up with scrapes - both in tears, needing some first aid help from Poppa.

Gaby is with her father today - part of me is glad that she is, because I really needed the day to just rest, and feel sorry for myself, but another part of me can't wait for her to get home, because I NEED some Gaby cuddles.... No matter how sad/horrible/etc life is, I always have *her* to cheer me up - I just need to look at her and I remember how lucky I am - even when bad things happen, she makes up for it 1,000,000 times over.  I might let her sleep in bed with me tonight - I need to be close to her... she almost has a calming effect over me.  I think she intuitively picks up when I'm feeling sad, and she just naturally does things to put a smile on my face... she knows the perfect time to give me a cuddle, to give me a kiss, to say "I love you Mummy".... and at the end of the day, THOSE words, make everything else seem unimportant....

Thursday, October 22, 2009

We have a partial birthday cake!

Tomorrow is Gaby's 3rd birthday party, so today we went to Mum & Dad's (as is usual for a Friday), and I baked her cake, and cut out the 'pattern' - so all I need to do tomorrow morning is get the thing iced!  I chose a Mickey Mouse cake - I was planning on using a template from the net, but then I found that the birthday cake book Mum used for our cakes when WE were kids, has a Mickey Mouse cake in it, that made it a LOT easier.  Basically I had to bake two circular cakes, from one I cut two circles, for the ears (my Dad liked the fact that there was a lot of 'cake cut off' left over, for him to eat!), and the other cake is the face - all I needed to do to 'shape' that, was to cut two triangular shapes about half way down the cake - and I guess this marks the seperation between Mickey's ears and the rest of his face.

Gaby is very excited because her little friend - Josh, is going to be there!  We haven't seen him, or his Mum (Serena) since the end of March, so there is going to be a lot of difference between them now (compared to back then!).  Josh is 3 months older than Gaby, and they always have so much fun together, so I am really glad they are able to come!  Other than Rena & Joshy, it's just going to be Nan & Poppa (my parents), Jason & Me, who are there, but I think that's more than enough for Gaby to handle.  I would have LIKED to have lots of family there, but then it becomes a bit more than a 'relaxed gathering', and would probably involve a lot of planning - and a lot more money!

I really can't believe my little girl is going to be three soon.  Seems crazy to think that this time 3 years ago, I was getting excited about going in for my induction the following day.  Of course the induction didn't work & I ended up getting a caesarean - 2 days after I went in for the induction!  I look at her baby photos, and then her photos now, and it is bizarre to think it's the same child...

As far as I know, things are going well in baby-land.  I still have my morning sickness & tiredness - and my breasts are REALLY sore today... and it seems that the need to frequently urinate has kicked in too, I think I went about 5 times while we were at the mall today (which around 2 hours!).  If Mum didn't know before now, I'm sure she would have figured it out today!  Our first ultrasound is on Wednesday, I'll be 6w0d, and I'm HOPING that we see SOMETHING...  even if there isn't a heartbeat, hopefully there will be the gestational sac and fetal pole, measuring right on for my dates.  That said, I hope hope hope there is a heartbeat visible!  It will ease a lot of my fears I think.

Everyday without spotting, I feel one of two things:
One - relief - another day with no spotting, which means I'm one day closer to 12w
Two - fear - another day with no spotting, COULD mean I'm one day closer to the day that I DO start spotting....
It's a horrible horrible vicious circle - positive, negative, positive, negative...  I wish I could just be 100% positive about the pregnancy, or at least that I could be in denial about the possibility of miscarrying!!!!  I guess this is a scary week for me, because of my spotting starting in the 5th week, in my previous miscarriages.  If I make it to 6w0d with no spotting, I'll feel as if I've overcome some sort of milestone.  I guess no one really knows what is going to happen in the future, and I should enjoy each & everyday that I'm blessed with this baby.......

I forgot about the Pregnancy Calendar on JustMommies - I used it a lot when I was pregnant with Gaby, to check out the little tips, and developmental milestones for each day...  My little tip for today (5w2d) is 'Eating dry crackers may help with morning sickness' - and then it says at 5w5d 'Baby's limb buds are noticeable now' - which makes me smile.. my little one might have 'noticeable' limb buds now!!!!  Little arms & legs!  Cute!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Reassurance is pain!

Tomorrow I am 5w0d pregnant - 1 week down, many many more to go!  The past couple of days I've been feeling quite reassured that this pregnancy is doing what it should be - mainly because my breasts have been feeling increasingly tender, and just plain sore!  It's wonderful to feel the way I did when I was pregnant with Gaby, because obviously there was a very positive outcome with that pregnancy... at the same time though, I forgot how painful it could be!  But if this pain means things are going well, then I will man up & accept it - it's kind of a nice reminder that I have a little bub growing in my belly!

As far a my other symptoms go - I still have my morning sickness & nausea, I'm having little cramps here and there, and my heartburn is a constant companion...  Hopefully the morning sickness won't last the whole time, like it did with Gaby - I think with Gaby I had about 3 weeks where I wasn't being sick!  But even through the sore breasts, the cramping, the vomitting, the nausea, the heartburn - I wouldn't want to change anything for the world!  At the end of the day it is a small sacrifice to make, for such an amazing outcome!

We told Gaby yesterday, about the baby - purely for the reason that she was getting so distraught when I was vomitting, that I was afraid it could do some form of long lasting harm to her.  We simply told her there is a baby growing in Mummy's tummy, and the baby growing makes Mummy feel sick sometimes - and that Mummy isn't 'spitting' (as she calls it), because something is wrong, just because the baby is growing.  I made sure to use the term 'our baby', so that she feels involved.  She was very cute, she started talking about how the baby will have it's own carseat, it will have baths & she will read it books...  I think she's old enough to grasp the very basics of the idea, and I think we might get a book in the next couple of weeks, specifically for little children who are going to become big brothers/sisters.

Gaby really doesn't feel like 'my baby' anymore...  She's 3 in six days time - and she is going to be a BIG sister - I guess there will be another baby to take over the role of 'the baby' in my life.  I just hope that we manage the whole thing, in a way that doesn't leave Gaby feeling left out, or as if she's not so important anymore... because that couldn't be further from the truth!!!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

... and then there is the anxiety

I always think that getting pregnant is the hard job - then as soon as I get my BFP (whether it was planned, or not) - along comes the anxiety.  I guess after experiencing 4 1st trimester losses, a lot of the innocence & excitement of pregnancy, is gone - and it has been replaced more by a negative "chances are, I will miscarry" type of attitude.  This morning I wiped and there was a tiny bit of colour on the toilet paper - it wasn't red, it wasn't pink, it wasn't even brown - but it was colour & was enough to make me hear alarm bells.  I want this baby so bad - Jason wants this baby so bad, and I feel as if I am going to ruin it all for us, and have another miscarriage.  I wish I could be put in a coma for the next 8 weeks - they can wake me up when I am having my 12w ultrasound & the little bubba is moving all around...

I wish I could be more positive, but it seems really hard.  I just have to try and remember that I have symptoms, which is a good sign - my boobs are sore, which is a very good sign for me.  Jason is working until 4pm today, so it's not like I have him to talk to about how I'm feeling (not immediately anyway) - so everything is going round and round in my head, driving me rather crazy!!!  The ONE thing that I am thinking would be a slight 'positive' of miscarrying, is that I can get the testing done, to try to figure out WHY I keep miscarrying.. I hope to heck it doesn't come to that though...

Friday, October 16, 2009


My 'baby' girl is going to turn three in 9 days time, and right now, all I find myself doing is thinking back to those early days... finding out I was pregnant, the first u/s, the second u/s, her arrival... her being a newborn, being 1, 2, 3 months old.  It has all gone so fast, and has been such an amazing, wonderful, overwhelming, eye-opening experience - I feel so blessed to have her in my life, and to actually be *someones* Mummy.. to be the one person that she knows she can rely on, without a doubt. 

It really is bittersweet - I miss those days of her being a baby - but at the same time, it is such an intensely 'wow' feeling, to be able to watch her grow up, to hear her talking, to hear her singing, to hear her reading books to her toys (from memory).. to see her getting taller, to see her jumping, to see her running, to see her starting to try to skip...  to see her interacting with other kids at preschool & kindy, to know that she is starting to understand various concepts - day & night, summer & winter, cause & effect...  All these things you know are going to happen, but actually physically *seeing* them happen, first hand - nothing can prepare you for that!!!!

I'm always blown away when I look at her baby photos & compare them to her 'now' photos...  It's hard to believe it is the same little person!

& now we're getting ready to do it all again - I can't wait to experience motherhood for a second time!!!!  As soon as I got up this morning, my morning sickness made itself very much known - as it did when I had to change Gaby's nappy... not pleasant!!!  Symptoms are reassuring though, so I shall not complain (too much!).  My boobs still seem to be a bit sore (to touch), so hopefully that's a good sign!  Everyone keeps mentioning how dark my BFP is now, compared to how dark it was at 4w0d, and the 'twins' word has been mentioned a lot.  I doubt twins can be identified just because of a dark BFP - butttttt I am very curious to know what my HCG levels are doing!  Twins would be a double blessing, and  I don't think it would be seen as a 'bad' thing by either of us - we want another kiddo anyway, so I guess it'd be killing two birds with one stone!

Speaking of HCG levels.. I have decided that I'm NOT going to get repetitive HCG levels done, unless my midwife decides that she wants them done.  If she does, I may just tell her to get the results given to her only - I don't know if I can want the anxiety of waiting for levels to come back & waiting to see if they've doubled like they should have.  The way I figure is that if this little bean *isn't* destined to make it, I would sooner it just 'happen', than to anticipate it through HCG levels that aren't doubling properly.  That said... god I hope this little bean is sticky!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

No doubt about it - I'm up the duff!

Well after 6 days of positive tests, I believe I am definately up the duff!!!!!  When AF was late I finally started believing it, and then after very convincing BFP's at 4w0d & 4w2d, I don't think there is much denying it!  Jason seems to be very excited, but a little cautious - as am I.  My history of losses makes the next 8 weeks or so, a very scary prospect for us.  I have experienced losses at 5w4d, 6w1d, 8w0d & 10w4d - so until I reach the 12 week mark & we see our little bean, I don't think the stress will really stop!

My symptoms are right up there though, which is giving me some confidence - I've been vomitting 3-4 times a day, since around 13DPO, I'm tired all day, I've been cramping, peeing what feels like every 10 seconds & my back is sore.  My boobs seem to be starting to get sore, which is a great thing, because my losses, I haven't had sore boobs.. so come on boobies - get  aching!  

I rang the midwife I have chosen to do my care, and she was very friendly, and has scheduled me in next Thursday - 22nd October (gosh, my precious Angel-Nephew's b/day!) for my first appointment, and to refer me to the clinic who deal with women who have had recurrent losses.  Strangely I am not worried that this may be another ectopic pregnancy - maybe because my pregnancy is going according to plan (ie tests getting darker, AF has stayed away, whereas with my ectopic I got AF when she was due, and hcg was up and down).  I am trying to stay positive, to make myself believe this is a sticky little bean.  I just hope that is the case!  

We should be scheduled for an u/s around 7w, to make sure the baby is in the uterus, and that there is a h/b - so that will be our first big milestone to make it to.  Up until now all my early-pregnancy u/s have had sad results, so I'm hoping this pregnancy will be the one where we get a GOOD outcome.  This is the first pregnancy that I've really had the father there with me for support, and I think that is making it all a bit easier on me.  The thought of that first u/s is still really scary though.

Here is a pic of my BFP from today - the test line came up before the control line (yay) & as dark as (maybe darker) than it as well!

Compared to my BFP at 14DPO / 4w0d

It's an amazing feeling to be pregnant again, and such a novelty to have someone to share it with, who is there because he *wants* to be, and not because it 'seems like the right thing'.  I can't wait until we can tell Gaby that she is going to be a big sister, but I have no idea WHEN to tell her.  I guess I can tell her when I don't mind everyone else knowing - because Gaby will tell everyone she sees!  I am going to TRY and hold out telling, until our first ultrasound, but we'll see what happens!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Might just be knocked up!

Sunday, Monday & today I've done pregnancy tests & all have had a 2nd line!  I am a bit apprehensive about thinking "I'm def. pregnant", because i had some pretty horrible evap lines with this brand of test, back during our 1st cycle TTC.. but the way I've started feeling, I am beginning to wonder.  I am not spotting - and usually I spot for 4+ days before AF arrives, and AF should be due tomorrow!  Fingers crossed so very very hard!  If I am pregnant, I am due June 23, but will be having the baby more around June 10th, as I'll have a repeat c/s - so it'll be a late b/day present for Jase!

here are some photos of my test from today - hopefully it's a bfp you're looking at, and not a pesky evap line!

I will update more tomorrow - it'll either be an OMG - HOORAY! type post, or a "*sigh*..." type post...

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Earthquakes... getting a little scary

Today we were on tsunami alert AGAIN, due to yet another earthquake, in the Pacific (Vanuatu Earthquake)!  It's getting a bit scary - we had a big earthquake here about 3 or 4 months ago, and then last week Samoa, and now Vanuatu?  One has to wonder if there is going to be *the big one* sometime soon - all this activity, surely it has to indicate that something is going on. The Samoa earthquake hit home (excuse the pun) quite hard for us, because the resort my parents stayed at when they went to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary (Coconuts Beach Club), was completely destroyed - quite scary to see a place in such destruction on TV, and then to look at photos & see it as it was 2 years ago.

The desire to do a pregnancy test was again strong today - so I did a test, of course it was a BFN.  I later did another two - purely so that I could get those tests out of the way.. I figure if I don't have the tests on hand, then I can't do it.  I have another 2 in my drawer, and am going to try my hardest to not test again for at least another 3 days, but we'll see.  I am not feeling very hopeful about this month, because I'm not really experiencing any symptoms, and have noticed a little spotting...  I'm concerned that my progesterone levels aren't high enough to sustain a pregnancy, so may talk to my doctor about getting some testing done during my cycle, to see what the go is - especially seeing as I have mild PCOS.

Gaby is sound asleep on the couch right now, and I really should wake her up - it's almost 5pm, and if she's asleep much longer, she is going to be awake all night - which I don't want!!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Kia ora! Welcome to my blog

This blog is all about me... Emma Jane Oakden, SAHM (stay at home Mum), age 26, from Christchurch (New Zealand). Eldest daughter of Vicki & Richard. Big sister to Terri. Proud Mummy to Gaby. Loving partner to Jason. Forever missing my nephew, Brodie. Cousin to many. Niece to many. Grandaughter to a couple. Quite simply, Emma.

Relieved to say that Gaby is at preschool today - her hours got cut as of last week, so rather than going 3x a week, she has been 1x a week - and I'm just not used to ALL that time with - well, with her and her almost-3-year-old attitude!!! I find I am either laughing at her constantly, or trying my very hardest not to yell at her, it's like there isn't a midway point, any balance - I am coming to learn, it is the joy (& challenge) of being a parent to a happy, healthy child. I can't complain too much that she's developing as she should be, but it would be nice if just for a couple of weeks, she could go back to being around 6 months old. Cute as heck. Funny as anything. And quiet!

As much as Gaby can frustrate me, it doesn't stop me wanting to add to our brood. We are currently 3/5 of the way through our 3rd cycle, TTC our first baby together - we are both trying to be relaxed about it, but as the months go by, that starts getting a little harder. I am now 7DPO, and did my first (most likely, of many) HPT today - and of course it was a BFN. I EXPECTED a BFN, but part of my brain was saying "well, maybe it won't be!!!". I will test again in the morning with FMU, but even then I'll only be 8DPO, so probably still too early for a BFP, if I am pregnant. I purchased a 2 pack of 'Discover' tests - they detect levels at 10-15mIU, and the pack states that that is 'as early as 4 days before your period is due'. I could be good & save the test I've allotted for tomorrow, for 10DPO, but that'd mean waiting a whole other 3 days to test! We both know that it'll happen when it's meant to, but I can't help but hope reaaallllly reallllllllly hard, that this cycle is 'when its meant to'.

I'm going to give blood today, they have a donation day at Burwood Hospital, and since I am 2 minutes down the road, with nothing to do - I figured, why the heck not! I haven't given blood in years, but it is something that I really should start doing regularly... it's such an important thing to do, and can help so many people - I particularly like that if I donate blood, I could potentially help save a newborn baby, or a new Mama. It isn't as if it is a painful process, and it doesn't take too long to do