Next month, I shall be a mother of 2!

It is now May 1st, here in New Zealand - so I can officially say "next month, Emersyn will be here!".  How long have I waited to say those words?  It used to feel like this time would never roll around, but here it is... and looking back, the time has actually gone exceptionally fast!!!!!!  I am now 32 weeks pregnant, and it still feels - at times, as if I am counting down the days, until my gender ultrasound!

I had another growth ultrasound on Wednesday, and Emersyn is STILL measuring above the 90th percentile for her weight, and around the 80th for general body size.  The high risk ob said that the body measurements were all great, however she has an enormous head - but when I told her that Gaby had a huge head at birth (37.5cm/15in), she said it is quite possible that I just have babies, with big heads!  If Emersyn's weight is still above the 90th percentile, at the next growth scan, the high risk ob has said she'll send me for the GTT again.  I passed the GTT at 28w, easily - but she said that it (GD) can develop later than 28 weeks.  I don't mind having to do the test again, I'd sooner be safe than sorry... but I think I am just growing a naturally big baby!

I noticed Gaby had a little sore on her mouth, a few days ago - and presumed it was a coldsore... it didn't seem to bother her, but yesterday she started getting new sores, popping up every hour.  That naturally got my spidey/mummy senses tingling, so I took her into the pharmacy & the pharmacist said it looked like impetigo.  Having had that 10 years ago, I knew how unpleasant it was, if it was left untreated - so luckily got her in to the doctor later in the afternoon.  She's now had 4 doses of cream & antibiotics, and her mouth is looking a LOT better - definately less red, and the smaller sores have all but disappeared!

Bit weird to think that there are only another 6 weeks or so, of life being 'just me and Gaby'...  It's all a little bittersweet really....

Balance.. it's all about balance...

I have felt quite bad lately - I have been purchasing a lot of new clothes for Emersyn - albeit second hand clothing - but new clothing all the same... but I haven't been buying a heck of a lot for Gaby, I guess because she HAS clothes, and I'm not in the whole pre-baby "omg I am sooo unprepared" mindset, with her.  So this week, I made an effort to purchase a few items for Gaby - so that she wouldn't feel left out...

... and luckily it worked!  We usually go out on Thursday morning & pick up my various TradeMe (like EBay) auction wins, and Gaby spends time 'ooing and ahhhing' over all the baby clothes, but you can tell she feels a little sad that there is nothing for her.  This week I gave her a package & she looked at me in astonishment "Mummy - this isn't going to fit Emersyn!", so I told her "No Gaby - that's because it's for you!!!", and she yelled at the top of her lungs "THANK YOU SO MUCH MUMMY, YOU ARE THE BEST!!!!"... which of course is always nice to hear, and it makes it seem all the more worthwhile, when she shows so much appreciation.

I guess I get a bit carried away, shopping for Em - and Gaby is so good and doesn't say "but I want something too", so I tend to... well, not forget about her - but just put off buying something for her.  With Emersyn's arrival approaching (under 8 weeks to go!), I have realised that I need to start ensuring Gaby feels just as important as Emersyn, and that her needs aren't put to the side, while I have a little fit of 'must get prepared for baby'.  I have made the decision that for each item I purchase Emersyn - I am going to purchase one for Gaby... I think that is fair - it'll help Gab feel like she's still important, and just as special (because she most certainly is!!!), and probably get me into good habits for when Em actually is here!

The Gaby Inquisition

Gaby has reached a new milestone - asking questions!  All of a sudden, I am being asked questions on a regular basis, which there isn't an obvious answer to - and I'm a little unsure how to handle it!

This morning, on the way to preschool, Gaby asked me "Mummy, who made outside??"...  We are not a religious family, so I didn't see it as a chance for a conversation about god, but I did want to answer her question, in a way that would make sense to her, and in a way that would get her attention and encourage her to think further about it.  I ended up talking to her about seeds - how they grow new plants/grass/trees/bushes/flowers/etc, and how they are spread around.. the role the wind plays, the role that birds play, etc etc.  I hoped that it would be a suitable explanation for her - and it seems that it was, because we spoke about it the whole way to preschool (15 minutes or so)!

I do want her to be naturally inquisitive, to feel she can ask questions - so that I can assist her learning, but I'm fast realising that I'm going to need to be armed with resources, for when she asks a question that isn't so easy to answer!!!  It would be easy to just say "I don't know hunny" - and leave it at that, but that isn't really making the most of the opportunity for learning, so I would prefer to be able to say "I don't know - lets have a look at a book/website that will teach us both about how/why/etc ___________ happens".  I see it as a way to encourage her learning, and independent thought - but also another form of activity that we can do together, and bond over.

After our little talk today about seeds, I am going to try and track down some seeds that will grow quickly, inside - so she can see for herself what happens, rather than just taking my word for it.  I have always been more of a visual learner, and it may well be that Gaby is too... and I want to do what I can to help out!

This is the first time I've felt like I'm dealing with a child, rather than just a 'little kid' or 'my 3 year old'.  She is asking mature questions, she is using mature thought... it's all a little scary & a little exciting, at the same time! 

Really stressing now....

I had my booking appointment for my repeat cesarean, when I had my last ob appointment - at 28w1d.  The ob BOOKED the c/s date then & there, and told me I would get the date sent out to me in the post 'in the next week'.  It is now 11 days post appointment, and still I haven't received a thing in the post.  I wouldn't care so much, but my parents, sister & Jason NEED a date asap, so they can arrange time off work.

I rang the hospital, and ended up getting put through to the doctor I saw at my last appointment (who was not nice)... I asked her what was going on, and she informed me that I "may not get the appointment until 37 weeks"...... THAT is obsurd.  Firstly, why would she tell me I'd get the appointment "in the next week", if that isn't going to be the case.  And secondly, if I don't get the appointment, until 37 weeks - like she's suggesting, that means that my parents, sister & Jason WON'T be able to get time off, when they need it.

What that really means, is that unless the cesarean is on a Saturday or a Sunday

- I won't have anyone to care for Gaby during the day, while I'm in hospital

- I won't have anyone in the operating theatre with me, when I have my cesarean

- I won't have anyone to care for Gaby while I have the cesarean

- Jason won't be able to come down, because flights will be too expensive, so close to the time

???? I 'm trying not to stress out - I really am.  I know that I'm lucky to be given the date beforehand, BUT.... I don't see how I'm meant to have everything planned with only 2 weeks notice....

Single Parenting... Alone...

I am a single parent - but I never really feel like I'm 'alone' as such, mainly because my parents are so close at hand, and have been such a great support to me, ever since I got pregnant with Gaby.

I realised last night now different it is going to be, when I bring Emersyn home from the hospital.  When I had Gaby - we were living at my parents, so although I was a 'single parent' I wasn't doing it alone - I was living with two other adults, who helped out where they could.  They never took over the role of parent, they never made decisions about Gaby, they never once told me what to do with her - but they were there with advice when I asked for it, they were there with supportive words when I was feeling stuck.. they were just *there*, in a sense 'overlooking' the whole thing.

Baby Gaby & Poppa, relaxing in front of the TV

Baby Gaby & Nan, having a post-work cuddle

With Emersyn, I AM going to be ALONE.  When I come home from the hospital, Mum isn't going to be there cooking dinner, Dad isn't going to be there being funny, Dad won't be there, getting up at 6.45am (for work) when I am up with Emersyn... Mum won't steal her away for hugs, and make it code for "go and have a little time to yourself".  I'm not going to have anyone overlooking me.. or Emersyn... I'm going to be flying solo. 

It's going to be so much different than it was with Gaby, there is just going to be me, to be in charge of every single aspect of our lives!  I am not worried about it, not scared, not wishing it was different - it will be lovely being alone with my girls, but it is going to be DIFFERENT.  My parents are only a ten minute drive away from my house, and I know that they'll still be just as supportive as they were, when I had Gaby... but they won't be RIGHT THERE, when I look left or right, or call out down the hallway.

I have been on my own with Gaby for close enough to 2 1/2 years, but it's going to be weird, being alone with Emersyn, right from the word go.  Of course I have the benefit of having already parented a newborn/infant - so I'm sure it won't be as hard as it was with Gaby, but it will be strange... in a way, it kind of feels as if I've taken off the training wheels... or I'm gong on my first solo flight....

Me & my girl

excited at the prospect of adding another princess to the household

Recipe Time - Salsa Bean Soup...

Something a little different than your usual soup.... nice & healthy.. and very tasty!

15oz Black Beans (rinsed)
8oz Salsa
1/2c Cilantro (chopped)
1/2tsp Chilli Powder
1tbsp Minced Garlic
2c Water
1tbsp Olive Oil

heat olive oil on medium high
add garlic, saute for 30 seconds
add water, salsa, beans & chilli powder
bring to boil, reduce heat
simmer for 2 minutes
take 3 cups of the mixture & blend until smooth, then return to the pot
simmer for another 10 minutes
add cilantro, remove from heat
serve!

My Cloth Stash Arrived!

Today my cloth nappies/diapers arrived, from PepeFergs - a glorious big red package, which I knew contained a whole lot of excitement for me!  I decided to use cloth nappies, back when I was trying to figure out how to save myself a few pennies... cloth nappies seemed like the ideal way to go, the only REAL cost is the start up cost, and for me - the startup cost has been under $200.00, for 15 pocket, OSFA nappies - and after that, all I really need to pay for, is the soap powder for washing, and some nappy liners.  

The company who I have been going through, are a local company, and I have nothing but positive feedback about them!  Katrina, who I was dealing with, has been so great to me - even offering to come into town & give me a demonstration, when Emersyn arrives!  This week I need to buy some suitable soap powder, so I can wash them & get them ready for little miss Emmy... probably doesn't NEED to be done this week, but it's so exciting, I just can't wait!

It's going to be interesting to see how much money it really does save me...