The arrival of Emersyn Lily-May!

ednesday 16th June, at 7am I arrived at the hospital for my elective repeat cesarean. I was taken up to the birthing suite, where they monitored Emersyn's heartbeat for a couple of minutes, and the midwife who was looking after me did some paperwork. I met with the obstetrician who would be performing my cesarean, and soon after that the anaesthetist came in and introduced himself to me. He had to put my IV in, and that was a bit of a mission - he attempted once in my hand and it didn't work - and after he removed the canula (?), I had a big amount of blood come out of my hand, and land all over his pants & the floor. I hoped it wasn't a sign of things to come!

9.30am the obstetrician came and told me it was time! We walked down the corridor, to where the operating theatres were, and it was then that it dawned on me - I was having a baby - VERY soon! My sister was going in with me, and had to wait in the corridor, until they had put my spinal in - I gave her a big hug & in I went. As soon as I was in there, the tears came to my eyes, and I felt very overwhelmed - but in an excited way. The OR staff all introduced themselves, they seemed very relaxed and like nice people, so it helped to keep me somewhat calm.

When they put the spinal in, my midwife held my hands & talked to me - I guess to take my mind of the discomfort of the spinal. It didn't really hurt as such, but it wasn't something I'd want to do everyday! It felt like it took forever to get administered, but it was probably only a couple of minutes. Once it was in the anaesthetist told me I would start feeling warmth in my legs very soon - and almost immediately, on it came. It was such a weird feeling, as the anaesthetic did its job, feeling my legs one moment, and then next knowing they were there, but not being able to feel them.

They got me set up on the operating table, and then my sister came in - and it was time to begin!!!!! I was in a rather happy mood, and laughed with my sister, and my midwife, and chatted with one of the nurses. I could feel pressure on my stomach, and my abdomen moving around, but I had no idea what they were actually doing. It seemed to be taking a long time, and my midwife told me that I had a lot of adhesions in my abdomen, from my first cesarean, so it was taking a bit longer than normal, for them to get to the uterus.

Then the time come - my midwife said to my sister "if you want to take photos of the delivery, you can stand up now and get ready" - as soon as she said that, tears came to my eyes again, I couldn't believe my baby girl was going to be born in the very near future! Again I could feel pulling and tugging, and pressure - but had no real idea what was happening, then my midwife said "here she comes Em" - and the next thing I heard was the cutest little, almost meowing sound, I heard it again, and again - and then I heard an extremely loud, hearty newborn crying.

And the tears started flowing... I was lying on the OR table bawling my eyes out - almost more than Emersyn was!!!!!!! The midwife told my sister she could go over and take photos of them doing the initial post-birth check, and that she could trim the cord if she wanted to, I lay there continuing to cry, so anxious to see my baby, and so relieved she'd arrived. The anaesthetist told me I could move the curtain out of the way a little, and I would be able to see them doing the check. As soon as I did this, and had my first glimpse of my baby girl, a whole new set of tears came.

After her check was done, the midwife brought her over to me, for a kiss, and to have a look... I could barely see her, through the tears - but even with my blurry tear stained vision, I fell immediately in love with this little bundle, who was then being placed in my sisters arms, for a cuddle. Terri sat beside me, holding Emersyn, and I couldn't take my eyes off her... it was then that I noticed that Emersyn had hair!!! Not something most parents would get excited about, but Gaby had no hair until she was 18 months old, so it was quite the novelty for me!!!!

My midwife asked the surgeons if it was okay for me to have skin to skin, and they said it was fine, so my midwife placed Emersyn inside my gown, and I had my first cuddle - and first proper look, at my baby girl. I couldn't stop kissing her soft little cheek, it was an amazing moment... and one that I wish I had been able to have with Gaby, when I had her (the hospital didn't have a skin to skin policy for cesareans, back then).

Around 11.15, I was deemed stable enough to go to recovery. In recovery we continued with the skin to skin, and as the anaesthetic slowly wore off, I was able to take in more of the details of my beautiful daughter.... the fact she had the same lips as her big sister - and the same chubby cheeks.. her tiny little fingers, with the perfect little finger nails, her long eyelashes poking out from underneath her closed eyelids... It really was one of the most blissful, happy, amazing moments of my life.

12.40 we were taken up to the maternity ward - I was a little sad because 1pm-3pm were no visiting hours, so my parents & Gaby weren't able to come up until 3pm. It was lovely seeing Gaby with Emersyn - you could see that she fell in love with her immediately! We were discharged from hospital at midday on Sunday... it was great to finally get home, and to be able to get on with our life as a new little family.

Emersyn Lily-May Oakden
16 June 2010, 10.10am
8lb0oz, 21.7"
little sister to Gabrielle Jayda-Leigh

waiting for it all to begin

seconds old

skin to skin, in recovery

my little family is complete!

the proud big sister, having her first cuddle

asleep on Mummy's bed

ready to go home

Two days to go!

TWO DAYS AND EMERSYN WILL BE HERE!

I cannot believe I am at the point in my pregnancy, where Emersyn's arrival is close!!!  Two days and my baby girl will be here - hopefully this time in 48 hours she'll already be here, meaning I have less than two days to go!  Technically....

Today I have to go to the hospital, for my pre-admission appointment with the anaesthesiologist & hospital midwife - and I will be given the actual time for my cesarean!  The appointment apparently takes an hour, and it should by all rights, be my last appointment - while pregnant, at the hospital!  They will be giving me some forms to get bloods taken tomorrow, and then after that......... it's all go!  I just need to make it through tomorrow in one piece, and attempt to sleep tomorrow night (that may be a mission!).

Tomorrow my sister also arrives, so I will be picking her up at the airport, and then we are going for a pre-baby coffee at the mall!  Gaby doesn't know that Terri is coming up yet, so when it is time for pre-school pick up, I am going to just get my sister to go in - lol it will blow Gaby's mind to be picked up by her Aunty Terri!!!!!!!!

I'm trying to make the most of my last couple of days of pregnancy - trying to pay as much attention as I can to how it feels when Emersyn moves, how my body feels in general... the anticipation and excitement... the nerves... because I'm never going to experience any of this again!  As much as I am sad about that, I don't suddenly have the inclination to say "no, I don't want a tubal ligation anymore" - so I know that it is the right choice for me... but as I said - still sad.  I am feeling right now, as if my family will be complete, once Emersyn is safely in my arms - and to be honest, it feels great.  

I don't think I'll be taking anymore belly photos, so here is my last one, taken at 38w4d...

by rights, the next photo of Emersyn that I post - should be OF Emersyn, in the flesh - not hidden by all my flesh!

... and for good measure, a recent picture of my BIG girl!

Gaby is starting to get excited too - I think realising that it is only two days away - a concept she can actually grasp, has made it more real to her... I truly cannot wait for that moment when she first lays eyes on her little sister... nor for that moment when she kisses her for the first time.  And like a true emotional, pregnant woman - I am now crying, so shall sign off..........

False alarm.. home & pregnant!

My contractions on Saturday, turned out to be fake labour.. or practise labour.. or my body getting half way there & thinking "na, can't be bothered doing this today".  I had all the signs of labour, however my cervix didn't dilate at all.  I knew it wouldn't - I'm sure my cervix doesn't KNOW how to dilate!!!!

The staff at the hospital, for the most part, were lovely - but I did have a couple of doctors on the Saturday, who made me feel stupid, and as if they thought I was pretending to be in so much pain.  At their 'worst', the contractions were 3 minutes apart and lasting for 90 seconds, and i have to say, if my writhing around in pain wasn't convincing to them, then it must take a LOT to convince them, that someone is in pain!   I felt as if they bullied me into getting a shot of pethadine - they assured me it would make me go to sleep, and I'd wake up without contractions... instead the peth didn't make me go to sleep, and the contractions only served to get worse!!

However by about 8pm that night, the contractions were settling down, still painful, but not as painful, so I was admitted onto the maternity ward for the night.  My contractions carried on, irregularly during the night, and when I woke up on Sunday morning, they began picking up... but only for a couple of hours.  By about midday, I was having one contraction an hour, and they weren't painful.  Eventually at 7pm I was allowed to go home!  The one great thing through all of my experience in hospital, was that Emersyn handled everything perfectly - she remained active, and her heartbeat was showing the variations it should, when it should... that helped me feel a lot less worried about the whole thing!

Was a crazy weekend, but I do have to admit that I'm glad I got to experience some form of labour & contractions...  I am 100% sure about my decision to have a repeat cesarean, but seeing as this is my last baby - it is nice to be able to say that I experienced a little bit of labour/contractions, something that 'normal' women go through.  If it wasn't for my epilepsy, perhaps now I would be a little more likely to try for a VBAC, but the risks of labouring with epilepsy, are too scary for me... even though I'm sure I'd be monitored well.

So now I'm home - Gaby has been at her Dad's since yesterday morning, and will be home in 2 hours, it's been nice to have a whole day to rest up, but I am really really missing my baby girl!  I got her father to ring me at the hospital yesterday, so I could talk to Gaby & ended up bawling my eyes out afterward.  She's going to get tonnes of cuddles tonight when she gets home, that's for sure!!!!!!!!!!!!

So much to say, no motivation to say it...

Sitting at the computer for more than 5 minutes, is suddenly a very unappealing activity for me.  The right side of my ribcage aches when I am sitting (thanks Emersyn!), and to be honest, my brain just is NOT working...

So this is the end of pregnancy.. discomfort, brain working at 1/4 power..  no motivation to do anything.  EXCEPT MEET MY BABY!  I got my cesarean date confirmed last week - Emersyn will be making her arrival on June 16th!  I am now 36w5d pregnant, so in two days time, I will be classed as full term - and in all reality, I am at the point that I just want to meet her.  I'm not of the attitude "I'm so over being pregnant" - because I'm not really - I feel quite good physically, minus the rib pain... I could probably handle another 6 or so weeks of this.... I'm just so ready to MEET Emersyn.. so ready to finally look at her, and cuddle her.  Knowing that she'll be here in 16 days time, is such a tease - 16 days, in reality - isn't that far away, but at the same time, it seems like SOOOOOOOO far away.

Gaby and I both appear to be coming down with our first official Winter 2010 colds - being sick isn't really the way I wanted to spend the last couple of weeks of my pregnancy!  I still have so much that I want to do around the house - get the tidying finished, cook a few meals to freeze, but being sick, all I really feel like doing is lying in bed, reading my book - or sitting on the couch, snuggling with my little snuggle bunny (aka Gaby).  I shouldn't complain though, we have both been so lucky with our health, and I think that as long as we stay nice and warm, and don't go out a lot - we should be okay.  

I had my final growth ultrasound, last Tuesday - it was great to see Emersyn again, and to hear that everything looks great.  The amniotic fluid level was fine, the flow through the umbilical cord was fine, organs looked fine - everything was just FINE...  She has been continuing to steadily grow, at the same rate - still in the 90th percentile for weight - as of Tuesday, weighing in at approximately 7lb2oz!!!!  I had a nice u/s tech, and she took time to show me cute things - the fact Emersyn has lots of fuzzy hair, her holding her foot in her hand, her little nose & lips... made me fall even more in love, and all the more impatient to see her up close & in person!!!!!!!

nose & lips... 

I think she'll have chubby cheeks like Gaby did!

profile view

I then saw the high risk ob for the LAST time on Thursday!  I discussed with her, my fears about Emersyn not moving enough - so she organised an NST & gave me a form to do daily kick counts on, and both of those have really helped my anxiety level.  The ob reassured me that the results from the ultrasound, indicated the Emersyn is doing well in there, and that I don't have any need for concern - she told me that she no longer worries I may have GD - because Emersyn is growing steadily, rather than having large leaps in weight.  I didn't mind the thought of having to do the GTT again, but it is definately nice to NOT have to worry about it, because I'm getting somewhat sick of going to & from various health clinics/hospitals every week... even though it is part & parcel of being pregnant, especially in a high risk situation.  

 36w3d belly...

My dear blog, I will try to update you more often - I know I have been neglecting you, but the days seem to go by so fast now, and any thought I have of "I must update my blog", seems to be forgotten within the space of a few minutes.  Quite dreadful really!

Next month, I shall be a mother of 2!

It is now May 1st, here in New Zealand - so I can officially say "next month, Emersyn will be here!".  How long have I waited to say those words?  It used to feel like this time would never roll around, but here it is... and looking back, the time has actually gone exceptionally fast!!!!!!  I am now 32 weeks pregnant, and it still feels - at times, as if I am counting down the days, until my gender ultrasound!

I had another growth ultrasound on Wednesday, and Emersyn is STILL measuring above the 90th percentile for her weight, and around the 80th for general body size.  The high risk ob said that the body measurements were all great, however she has an enormous head - but when I told her that Gaby had a huge head at birth (37.5cm/15in), she said it is quite possible that I just have babies, with big heads!  If Emersyn's weight is still above the 90th percentile, at the next growth scan, the high risk ob has said she'll send me for the GTT again.  I passed the GTT at 28w, easily - but she said that it (GD) can develop later than 28 weeks.  I don't mind having to do the test again, I'd sooner be safe than sorry... but I think I am just growing a naturally big baby!

I noticed Gaby had a little sore on her mouth, a few days ago - and presumed it was a coldsore... it didn't seem to bother her, but yesterday she started getting new sores, popping up every hour.  That naturally got my spidey/mummy senses tingling, so I took her into the pharmacy & the pharmacist said it looked like impetigo.  Having had that 10 years ago, I knew how unpleasant it was, if it was left untreated - so luckily got her in to the doctor later in the afternoon.  She's now had 4 doses of cream & antibiotics, and her mouth is looking a LOT better - definately less red, and the smaller sores have all but disappeared!

Bit weird to think that there are only another 6 weeks or so, of life being 'just me and Gaby'...  It's all a little bittersweet really....

Really stressing now....

I had my booking appointment for my repeat cesarean, when I had my last ob appointment - at 28w1d.  The ob BOOKED the c/s date then & there, and told me I would get the date sent out to me in the post 'in the next week'.  It is now 11 days post appointment, and still I haven't received a thing in the post.  I wouldn't care so much, but my parents, sister & Jason NEED a date asap, so they can arrange time off work.

I rang the hospital, and ended up getting put through to the doctor I saw at my last appointment (who was not nice)... I asked her what was going on, and she informed me that I "may not get the appointment until 37 weeks"...... THAT is obsurd.  Firstly, why would she tell me I'd get the appointment "in the next week", if that isn't going to be the case.  And secondly, if I don't get the appointment, until 37 weeks - like she's suggesting, that means that my parents, sister & Jason WON'T be able to get time off, when they need it.

What that really means, is that unless the cesarean is on a Saturday or a Sunday

- I won't have anyone to care for Gaby during the day, while I'm in hospital

- I won't have anyone in the operating theatre with me, when I have my cesarean

- I won't have anyone to care for Gaby while I have the cesarean

- Jason won't be able to come down, because flights will be too expensive, so close to the time

???? I 'm trying not to stress out - I really am.  I know that I'm lucky to be given the date beforehand, BUT.... I don't see how I'm meant to have everything planned with only 2 weeks notice....

my teeny tiny blob is now 3lb1oz

I had my first of 2-3 growth ultrasounds yesterday... the high risk ob wants me to have them, due to the small possibility I have something wrong with my placenta (which caused the bleeding I've had throughout the pregnancy), and also due to the small risk of fetal abnormalities, from the anti-epilpetic medication that I'm on.  I don't mind needing the u/s - I would sooner know if something isn't looking good, than find out after she's born - or have something serious happen toward the end of my pregnancy.

Emersyn was looking fabulous!!!!  She now weighs approximately 3lb1oz, placenta, cervix & amniotic fluid were all looking really good.  I had a feeling everything WOULD be fine, but as usual (for me anyway), there was some pre-ultrasound anxiety & a little paranoia going on - but as soon as I saw her wiggling around on the screen, I knew everything was A-OK.

I see the high risk ob again on Thursday, and presume I'll find out when I will have my next ultrasound, but I'm picking it'll be at around 34 weeks.  My last appointment the ob said that if this one came back perfect, that we would skip the 32 weeks u/s & do one closer to 36 weeks.  Much as it would be lovely to see Emersyn again in 4 weeks, I don't mind if I have to wait until closer to 36 weeks.

It has been amazing to watch Emersyn grow, through my seemingly regular ultrasound.  My first was at 5w6d  & she was barely there.. a tiny little speck on the screen.  8w1d there was an obvious 'head end' and a 'tail end' - but no real definition.  12w1d she looked like a human!  A very obvious head, eyes, mouth, nose, legs, arms, fingers, toes.. a beautiful sight!  19w2d she had grown a lot since I last saw her, and we saw her kicking her little legs, punching with her arms - and got to see that she was a girl.  23w2d - even more growth, her face looked more clear, her movements more precise... amazing.  and then yesterday - 27w5d, we got to see her yawning, poking her tongue out - and kicking herself in the head.  She'd also doubled in weight since the last time I saw her!  It's special to be able to watch this little human developing....

& speaking of the little human, here is a profile picture, from yesterday's ultrasound

Emersyn Georgia-May, 27w5d, 3lb1oz approx

100 days to go!

Today I am 25w5d pregnant - and according to my ticker, have a mere 100 days to go, until Emersyn's due date!  I guess technically I only have 86-93 days to go, because I'll be having a c/s @ 38-39 weeks, but still... 100 days until my actual EDD is pretty cool!  

I am feeling good, a little more uncomfortable in bed at night, a little more uncomfortable when walking around, or standing around... but in general I feel rather good!  I presumed I'd have had sciatica by now - I had it from about 15w with Gaby, but so far, nothing!  My appetite is back, however I am finding it increasingly harder to be able to eat a decent sized meal... I often find myself eating about 1/4 of my meal, putting it in the microwave - and then going back a little later for more.. and I guess that's the way to do it about now!

As far as I know, Emersyn is doing well.  She is still active and kicking me - which is lovely, nothing nicer than feeling her kicking in there, to make me feel positive, and like this pregnancy is going to have a positive outcome. I know that a lot of people by this point, won't be expecting anything to go wrong, but with my anxiety, past losses - and I guess also through knowing various members who've had late losses & stillbirths, on JM, it does make me realise that things are never for sure.  All I can do is take it a day at a time, and that is what I'm trying to do.

I am however 110% that I don't want any further pregnancies, and that I will be getting a tubal ligation at the time I have my cesarean.  I don't feel that it is fair to put Gaby - and Emersyn, through 9 months of having a stressed out, anxious, terrified mother... 9 months is a long time in the life of a child, and I know I wouldn't feel right if I spent that time concentrating on something that *could* happen, rather than spending the time enjoying my two girls.  I need to talk to the obstetrician at the hospital when I go for my next high risk appt, as they are going to schedule my cesarean - and will be the ones who say yay or nay to my request for a tubal ligation.  My midwife seems to think they won't have any issues with it, being that I'm 26 & (will) have had 2 children by that time... and then adding in my history of (early) losses, my anxiety & depression... she thinks it won't be something they'll fight me about.

Can't believe that next week I'll officially be in the 3rd trimester!!!!!!  Seemed like a lifetime away, back when I found out in October... but the weeks seems to be speeding by, I'm sure the point will come where I will wish that time could slow down a little.  End of the day though, I can't wait for June, and to hear those first cries, from my baby girl.  

*cue the tears*

High risk ob update - a positive one!

I had an appointment with the high risk ob clinic, on Thursday.  I wasn't looking too forward to it, considering my last appointment there, was such a let down - and such a hassle, with the ob being a total schmuck. 

My appointment was for 2.20pm & around 2.30pm I was taken in - and the ob I saw was a different ob from last time!!!!!  She was lovely - very friendly, and spoke with me, rather than at me - she also spoke at my level, rather than muttering all these medical terms and acting like I wasn't even there.  She asked how I'd been, told me it's great that I've had no further bleeding, and that Emersyn's movements are stronger.. she then did my b/p etc, and all was well.  When it came time to listen to the heartbeat, we were listening for 5 minutes!  She kept picking up the h/b, but it was 'background' noise & she took her time finding the h/b in a position where it was the loudest sound - she then did a trace & her h/b was around 150bpm.  Absolutely perfect!

I expected I would be told I could leave after that, but then she started discussing my growth ultrasounds with me.  Growth ultrasounds?  I had no idea I was going to have growth ultrasounds - and told her so, she was very surprised the ob I saw last time hadn't thought it was important to do some growth u/s from 28w onward - didn't surprise me though.  She said that the bleeding I had, although it was related to the BV, it could also be related to an issue with the placenta, that wouldn't start becoming obvious until I was closer to my EDD, and also with my epilepsy medication, there is a small risk of fetal abnormalities, so she also wanted to monitor for that reason.  So from 28w onward, I will be having growth u/s every 4 weeks - at 28, 32 & 36 weeks.  She said that if the 28w u/s shows everything looks great, then they will probably skip the 32 weeks u/s, and do one closer to 36 weeks.  I don't mind either way though - I get to see Emersyn 2-3 more times before she is born!

So all in all, it was a great appointment :)  I go back in 4 weeks for my next appt (and will probably have my u/s a couple of days prior)....

The (stressful, horrible, scary) week in review...

Sorry about the utter lack of blogging this week - lets just say, my blog has been one of the furthest things from my mind...

It all began Tuesday morning, I woke up - went to the toilet & found that I was bleeding.  I tried to stay calm, but that didn't really work - I rang my m/w and she told me to meet her at the clinic at 9am.  Met the midwife, she took me in - listened to Emersyn's h/b - which was nice and strong, then talked to me about my symptoms.  Basically I had no symptoms - except bleeding.  It wasn't heavy - but it was there, and that's enough to stress out a pregnant woman!   Julz (m/w) rang the hospital & asked what they wanted me to do, and they agreed that because everything seemed okay, I should just go to St Georges (one of the secondary maternity hospitals) & get a Rhogam (AntiD) shot.... then ring my m/w if the bleeding got worse, or stopped & started again.  Went to St Georges.  Got my jab.  Took Gaby to preschool.  Went to my parents house (as I do when Gaby is at preschool).

Everything was fine until 10.30pm Tuesday night - went to the toilet & was bleeding again.  Rang m/w, she told me to go up to the acute gyne assessment ward at the hospital.  Luckily my friend was staying, so she looked after Gaby - and my Mum came to get me, and went up to the hospital with me.  Up at the hospital, they took my vitals, talked to me again about my symptoms, had me do a urine sample.  By the time I got up there the bleeding had stopped - seemed it was in a routine of stopping and starting.  The doctor came in, talked more about my obstetric history & my current symptoms.  She did an internal exam with a speculum & took 3 swabs, then she felt my cervix - told me it felt a 'little short'... then she tried to use the doppler to listen to Emersyn's heartbeat - which she couldn't find.  I had felt lots of movements that night & she told me before she started using the doppler that she wasn't particularly skilled with it - so if we couldn't find the h/b, it's most likely be due to her lack of skill.  She told me she'd get the ob registrar to come down & listen for the h/b though, just to be safe.

Ob registrar (who looked about 12!) gets down, eventually - and has a portable u/s machine with her.  We looked at Emersyn & all looked well - I couldn't see much from where I was lying on the bed, but I could see her moving around, and felt a lot of relief.  They checked the placenta and everything looked good - couldn't see any obvious signs for my bleeding.  The ob registrar told me that if the bleeding started again, to come back up - but otherwise, to talk about it when I came for my high risk ob appt on Thursday (to discuss my epilepsy).

Woke up Wednesday morning, no bleeding.. took Gaby to preschool & went to my parents, no bleeding.. of course at 4pm when I went to the toilet, I found I'd started bleeding again.  I rang my m/w - same routine - go up to acute gyne...  Gaby stayed with my Dad & friend, and again Mum took me up to the hospital.  The nurse did my vitals, talked about symptoms - then got out the doppler.  Luckily she found the heartbeat (eventually), and again Emersyn's h/b, was nice and strong.  She told me that the doctor would be in to talk to me soon - but then returned awhile later, to tell me that the urine sample I'd done that day, was positive for white blood cells - indicating a UTI, and one of the swabs they'd done the night before, was positive for BV (bacterial vaginosis) - so I was given a reason for my bleeding (and cramping, which had started that day), and sent on my way with a prescription for the BV, and told to talk to the ob the next day, to get him/her to check what bacteria had showed up in my urine sample & to prescribe accordingly.

Thursday arrived - I made it to my ob appt with 10 minutes to spare - only to be told that the appointment time *I* had been given was incorrect - 2 hours incorrect - the time I'd been given was 1.40pm & on their schedule it was 3.40pm.  I had to wait - with a very bored Gaby, until 3.20pm (ish), was taken in, spoke to who I THOUGHT was the ob - but turned out it wasn't, he was just 'screening' me, to see if I needed to see the ob.  I thought the whole point of going to the high risk ob was to SEE THE HIGH RISK OB, but apparently not!  We discussed my epilepsy & meds & he felt that I didn't need to be seen again regarding thing, unless I started having more seizures that couldn't be controlled by upping my medication. 

I then brought up the bleeding/spotting/cramping - the doctor checked the computer system, and it turned out that my urine sample from the night before - that had been positive for WBC, had come back clear - I DIDN'T have a UTI!!!!  Apparently the BV diagnosis was correct.  He went and spoke to the ob & decided I should see him.  So we went back out to the waiting room - and then about 4.30pm we were taken back to see the ob.  By this time Gaby was cranky, I was cranky - and was starting to feel freaked out again, by what the cause of my bleeding would be, if it wasn't a UTI.  

To be nice - the high risk ob was a total w@nker.  He basically told me that I was "stupid and irrational for worrying about a bit of bleeding" - and that there were other patients who had serious problems, who deserved his time!  Lovely!  He told me he wanted to check my cervix, and asked me if GABY COULD WAIT OUT IN THE HALL!  Um - NO SHE CAN'T!  What doctor - wait, what NORMAL, RESPONSIBLE HUMAN BEING, suggests leaving a 3 yo, alone in a huge hall, in a huge building - with lots of cool looking machinery that I can imagine she'd want to go and explore?  The nurse looked at me with a look on her face as if to say the same thing I was thinking.  Gaby stayed down by my head, the dr did his assessment & told me my cervix was nice and long, and closed - good!  He then tried to listen to the h/b - and couldn't find it... So as if it was the hugest inconvenience to his day he said "I guess I'll go and get the ultrasound machine then"... he came back, demanded the nurse & trainee doctor get the room dark, then put the probe on my belly - and looked at the screen.. and didn't say a word... When I asked if he could see the heartbeat, he told me "yes I can" in a very impatient tone - like it was oh-so-hard to reassure a freaked out pregnant woman.  He finished up, told me to come back in 4 weeks & then was gone...  Me feeling no more reassured than I had when I went in - infact, I was LESS reassured, now that they'd removed the diagnosis of a UTI.

Friday morning, I rang up the hospital to get the results of the urine sample they'd taken the day before - the doctor I had seen first (who was nice, and respectful, and kind - everything a doctor should be!), had ordered for them to check again for a UTI.  The hospital told me I would have to get my midwife to ring up for the results.  So I rang my m/w, told her what they'd said, and she told me she'd let me know.  Around 1.30pm she rang me to say they didnt DO any tests on me from the day before, and that one person she spoke to said I did have BV, but that the other person said I DIDN'T have BV...  She was confused - I was confused...  She told me to continue with my antibiotics for BV, that she'd prefer me have the course, than stop - then find out I DID have the infection, and end up going into pre-term labour - which would be a very bad thing at this point in pregnancy.

It is now Sunday.  I am still taking my antibiotics.  I still have cramps (which I have read & been told, can be caused by BV, or the antibiotics to cure it!).  I am slowly starting to feel normal, and to not stress constantly.  Emersyn is kicking me lots, which is the best piece of reassurance I can get - seeing as the doctors can't give me any reassurance - or straight answers!!!!  Gaby stayed at her fathers last night, so I've been able to sit & relax, and do nothing - just worry about myself.. which has been good.  I have the midwife again on Tuesday - and I'm sure it'll be a big debrief... If my pee stick (that tests for glucose, protein, wbc) comes up even slightly positive for WBC, I am going to ask that she arranges for tests.  

My sister gave birth 5 weeks early, after a UTI was left untreated - and caused her to go into labour.  There is NO WAY I am going to let that be even a slight possibility for me...