The arrival of Emersyn Lily-May!

ednesday 16th June, at 7am I arrived at the hospital for my elective repeat cesarean. I was taken up to the birthing suite, where they monitored Emersyn's heartbeat for a couple of minutes, and the midwife who was looking after me did some paperwork. I met with the obstetrician who would be performing my cesarean, and soon after that the anaesthetist came in and introduced himself to me. He had to put my IV in, and that was a bit of a mission - he attempted once in my hand and it didn't work - and after he removed the canula (?), I had a big amount of blood come out of my hand, and land all over his pants & the floor. I hoped it wasn't a sign of things to come!

9.30am the obstetrician came and told me it was time! We walked down the corridor, to where the operating theatres were, and it was then that it dawned on me - I was having a baby - VERY soon! My sister was going in with me, and had to wait in the corridor, until they had put my spinal in - I gave her a big hug & in I went. As soon as I was in there, the tears came to my eyes, and I felt very overwhelmed - but in an excited way. The OR staff all introduced themselves, they seemed very relaxed and like nice people, so it helped to keep me somewhat calm.

When they put the spinal in, my midwife held my hands & talked to me - I guess to take my mind of the discomfort of the spinal. It didn't really hurt as such, but it wasn't something I'd want to do everyday! It felt like it took forever to get administered, but it was probably only a couple of minutes. Once it was in the anaesthetist told me I would start feeling warmth in my legs very soon - and almost immediately, on it came. It was such a weird feeling, as the anaesthetic did its job, feeling my legs one moment, and then next knowing they were there, but not being able to feel them.

They got me set up on the operating table, and then my sister came in - and it was time to begin!!!!! I was in a rather happy mood, and laughed with my sister, and my midwife, and chatted with one of the nurses. I could feel pressure on my stomach, and my abdomen moving around, but I had no idea what they were actually doing. It seemed to be taking a long time, and my midwife told me that I had a lot of adhesions in my abdomen, from my first cesarean, so it was taking a bit longer than normal, for them to get to the uterus.

Then the time come - my midwife said to my sister "if you want to take photos of the delivery, you can stand up now and get ready" - as soon as she said that, tears came to my eyes again, I couldn't believe my baby girl was going to be born in the very near future! Again I could feel pulling and tugging, and pressure - but had no real idea what was happening, then my midwife said "here she comes Em" - and the next thing I heard was the cutest little, almost meowing sound, I heard it again, and again - and then I heard an extremely loud, hearty newborn crying.

And the tears started flowing... I was lying on the OR table bawling my eyes out - almost more than Emersyn was!!!!!!! The midwife told my sister she could go over and take photos of them doing the initial post-birth check, and that she could trim the cord if she wanted to, I lay there continuing to cry, so anxious to see my baby, and so relieved she'd arrived. The anaesthetist told me I could move the curtain out of the way a little, and I would be able to see them doing the check. As soon as I did this, and had my first glimpse of my baby girl, a whole new set of tears came.

After her check was done, the midwife brought her over to me, for a kiss, and to have a look... I could barely see her, through the tears - but even with my blurry tear stained vision, I fell immediately in love with this little bundle, who was then being placed in my sisters arms, for a cuddle. Terri sat beside me, holding Emersyn, and I couldn't take my eyes off her... it was then that I noticed that Emersyn had hair!!! Not something most parents would get excited about, but Gaby had no hair until she was 18 months old, so it was quite the novelty for me!!!!

My midwife asked the surgeons if it was okay for me to have skin to skin, and they said it was fine, so my midwife placed Emersyn inside my gown, and I had my first cuddle - and first proper look, at my baby girl. I couldn't stop kissing her soft little cheek, it was an amazing moment... and one that I wish I had been able to have with Gaby, when I had her (the hospital didn't have a skin to skin policy for cesareans, back then).

Around 11.15, I was deemed stable enough to go to recovery. In recovery we continued with the skin to skin, and as the anaesthetic slowly wore off, I was able to take in more of the details of my beautiful daughter.... the fact she had the same lips as her big sister - and the same chubby cheeks.. her tiny little fingers, with the perfect little finger nails, her long eyelashes poking out from underneath her closed eyelids... It really was one of the most blissful, happy, amazing moments of my life.

12.40 we were taken up to the maternity ward - I was a little sad because 1pm-3pm were no visiting hours, so my parents & Gaby weren't able to come up until 3pm. It was lovely seeing Gaby with Emersyn - you could see that she fell in love with her immediately! We were discharged from hospital at midday on Sunday... it was great to finally get home, and to be able to get on with our life as a new little family.

Emersyn Lily-May Oakden
16 June 2010, 10.10am
8lb0oz, 21.7"
little sister to Gabrielle Jayda-Leigh

waiting for it all to begin

seconds old

skin to skin, in recovery

my little family is complete!

the proud big sister, having her first cuddle

asleep on Mummy's bed

ready to go home

False alarm.. home & pregnant!

My contractions on Saturday, turned out to be fake labour.. or practise labour.. or my body getting half way there & thinking "na, can't be bothered doing this today".  I had all the signs of labour, however my cervix didn't dilate at all.  I knew it wouldn't - I'm sure my cervix doesn't KNOW how to dilate!!!!

The staff at the hospital, for the most part, were lovely - but I did have a couple of doctors on the Saturday, who made me feel stupid, and as if they thought I was pretending to be in so much pain.  At their 'worst', the contractions were 3 minutes apart and lasting for 90 seconds, and i have to say, if my writhing around in pain wasn't convincing to them, then it must take a LOT to convince them, that someone is in pain!   I felt as if they bullied me into getting a shot of pethadine - they assured me it would make me go to sleep, and I'd wake up without contractions... instead the peth didn't make me go to sleep, and the contractions only served to get worse!!

However by about 8pm that night, the contractions were settling down, still painful, but not as painful, so I was admitted onto the maternity ward for the night.  My contractions carried on, irregularly during the night, and when I woke up on Sunday morning, they began picking up... but only for a couple of hours.  By about midday, I was having one contraction an hour, and they weren't painful.  Eventually at 7pm I was allowed to go home!  The one great thing through all of my experience in hospital, was that Emersyn handled everything perfectly - she remained active, and her heartbeat was showing the variations it should, when it should... that helped me feel a lot less worried about the whole thing!

Was a crazy weekend, but I do have to admit that I'm glad I got to experience some form of labour & contractions...  I am 100% sure about my decision to have a repeat cesarean, but seeing as this is my last baby - it is nice to be able to say that I experienced a little bit of labour/contractions, something that 'normal' women go through.  If it wasn't for my epilepsy, perhaps now I would be a little more likely to try for a VBAC, but the risks of labouring with epilepsy, are too scary for me... even though I'm sure I'd be monitored well.

So now I'm home - Gaby has been at her Dad's since yesterday morning, and will be home in 2 hours, it's been nice to have a whole day to rest up, but I am really really missing my baby girl!  I got her father to ring me at the hospital yesterday, so I could talk to Gaby & ended up bawling my eyes out afterward.  She's going to get tonnes of cuddles tonight when she gets home, that's for sure!!!!!!!!!!!!

High risk ob update - a positive one!

I had an appointment with the high risk ob clinic, on Thursday.  I wasn't looking too forward to it, considering my last appointment there, was such a let down - and such a hassle, with the ob being a total schmuck. 

My appointment was for 2.20pm & around 2.30pm I was taken in - and the ob I saw was a different ob from last time!!!!!  She was lovely - very friendly, and spoke with me, rather than at me - she also spoke at my level, rather than muttering all these medical terms and acting like I wasn't even there.  She asked how I'd been, told me it's great that I've had no further bleeding, and that Emersyn's movements are stronger.. she then did my b/p etc, and all was well.  When it came time to listen to the heartbeat, we were listening for 5 minutes!  She kept picking up the h/b, but it was 'background' noise & she took her time finding the h/b in a position where it was the loudest sound - she then did a trace & her h/b was around 150bpm.  Absolutely perfect!

I expected I would be told I could leave after that, but then she started discussing my growth ultrasounds with me.  Growth ultrasounds?  I had no idea I was going to have growth ultrasounds - and told her so, she was very surprised the ob I saw last time hadn't thought it was important to do some growth u/s from 28w onward - didn't surprise me though.  She said that the bleeding I had, although it was related to the BV, it could also be related to an issue with the placenta, that wouldn't start becoming obvious until I was closer to my EDD, and also with my epilepsy medication, there is a small risk of fetal abnormalities, so she also wanted to monitor for that reason.  So from 28w onward, I will be having growth u/s every 4 weeks - at 28, 32 & 36 weeks.  She said that if the 28w u/s shows everything looks great, then they will probably skip the 32 weeks u/s, and do one closer to 36 weeks.  I don't mind either way though - I get to see Emersyn 2-3 more times before she is born!

So all in all, it was a great appointment :)  I go back in 4 weeks for my next appt (and will probably have my u/s a couple of days prior)....

The (stressful, horrible, scary) week in review...

Sorry about the utter lack of blogging this week - lets just say, my blog has been one of the furthest things from my mind...

It all began Tuesday morning, I woke up - went to the toilet & found that I was bleeding.  I tried to stay calm, but that didn't really work - I rang my m/w and she told me to meet her at the clinic at 9am.  Met the midwife, she took me in - listened to Emersyn's h/b - which was nice and strong, then talked to me about my symptoms.  Basically I had no symptoms - except bleeding.  It wasn't heavy - but it was there, and that's enough to stress out a pregnant woman!   Julz (m/w) rang the hospital & asked what they wanted me to do, and they agreed that because everything seemed okay, I should just go to St Georges (one of the secondary maternity hospitals) & get a Rhogam (AntiD) shot.... then ring my m/w if the bleeding got worse, or stopped & started again.  Went to St Georges.  Got my jab.  Took Gaby to preschool.  Went to my parents house (as I do when Gaby is at preschool).

Everything was fine until 10.30pm Tuesday night - went to the toilet & was bleeding again.  Rang m/w, she told me to go up to the acute gyne assessment ward at the hospital.  Luckily my friend was staying, so she looked after Gaby - and my Mum came to get me, and went up to the hospital with me.  Up at the hospital, they took my vitals, talked to me again about my symptoms, had me do a urine sample.  By the time I got up there the bleeding had stopped - seemed it was in a routine of stopping and starting.  The doctor came in, talked more about my obstetric history & my current symptoms.  She did an internal exam with a speculum & took 3 swabs, then she felt my cervix - told me it felt a 'little short'... then she tried to use the doppler to listen to Emersyn's heartbeat - which she couldn't find.  I had felt lots of movements that night & she told me before she started using the doppler that she wasn't particularly skilled with it - so if we couldn't find the h/b, it's most likely be due to her lack of skill.  She told me she'd get the ob registrar to come down & listen for the h/b though, just to be safe.

Ob registrar (who looked about 12!) gets down, eventually - and has a portable u/s machine with her.  We looked at Emersyn & all looked well - I couldn't see much from where I was lying on the bed, but I could see her moving around, and felt a lot of relief.  They checked the placenta and everything looked good - couldn't see any obvious signs for my bleeding.  The ob registrar told me that if the bleeding started again, to come back up - but otherwise, to talk about it when I came for my high risk ob appt on Thursday (to discuss my epilepsy).

Woke up Wednesday morning, no bleeding.. took Gaby to preschool & went to my parents, no bleeding.. of course at 4pm when I went to the toilet, I found I'd started bleeding again.  I rang my m/w - same routine - go up to acute gyne...  Gaby stayed with my Dad & friend, and again Mum took me up to the hospital.  The nurse did my vitals, talked about symptoms - then got out the doppler.  Luckily she found the heartbeat (eventually), and again Emersyn's h/b, was nice and strong.  She told me that the doctor would be in to talk to me soon - but then returned awhile later, to tell me that the urine sample I'd done that day, was positive for white blood cells - indicating a UTI, and one of the swabs they'd done the night before, was positive for BV (bacterial vaginosis) - so I was given a reason for my bleeding (and cramping, which had started that day), and sent on my way with a prescription for the BV, and told to talk to the ob the next day, to get him/her to check what bacteria had showed up in my urine sample & to prescribe accordingly.

Thursday arrived - I made it to my ob appt with 10 minutes to spare - only to be told that the appointment time *I* had been given was incorrect - 2 hours incorrect - the time I'd been given was 1.40pm & on their schedule it was 3.40pm.  I had to wait - with a very bored Gaby, until 3.20pm (ish), was taken in, spoke to who I THOUGHT was the ob - but turned out it wasn't, he was just 'screening' me, to see if I needed to see the ob.  I thought the whole point of going to the high risk ob was to SEE THE HIGH RISK OB, but apparently not!  We discussed my epilepsy & meds & he felt that I didn't need to be seen again regarding thing, unless I started having more seizures that couldn't be controlled by upping my medication. 

I then brought up the bleeding/spotting/cramping - the doctor checked the computer system, and it turned out that my urine sample from the night before - that had been positive for WBC, had come back clear - I DIDN'T have a UTI!!!!  Apparently the BV diagnosis was correct.  He went and spoke to the ob & decided I should see him.  So we went back out to the waiting room - and then about 4.30pm we were taken back to see the ob.  By this time Gaby was cranky, I was cranky - and was starting to feel freaked out again, by what the cause of my bleeding would be, if it wasn't a UTI.  

To be nice - the high risk ob was a total w@nker.  He basically told me that I was "stupid and irrational for worrying about a bit of bleeding" - and that there were other patients who had serious problems, who deserved his time!  Lovely!  He told me he wanted to check my cervix, and asked me if GABY COULD WAIT OUT IN THE HALL!  Um - NO SHE CAN'T!  What doctor - wait, what NORMAL, RESPONSIBLE HUMAN BEING, suggests leaving a 3 yo, alone in a huge hall, in a huge building - with lots of cool looking machinery that I can imagine she'd want to go and explore?  The nurse looked at me with a look on her face as if to say the same thing I was thinking.  Gaby stayed down by my head, the dr did his assessment & told me my cervix was nice and long, and closed - good!  He then tried to listen to the h/b - and couldn't find it... So as if it was the hugest inconvenience to his day he said "I guess I'll go and get the ultrasound machine then"... he came back, demanded the nurse & trainee doctor get the room dark, then put the probe on my belly - and looked at the screen.. and didn't say a word... When I asked if he could see the heartbeat, he told me "yes I can" in a very impatient tone - like it was oh-so-hard to reassure a freaked out pregnant woman.  He finished up, told me to come back in 4 weeks & then was gone...  Me feeling no more reassured than I had when I went in - infact, I was LESS reassured, now that they'd removed the diagnosis of a UTI.

Friday morning, I rang up the hospital to get the results of the urine sample they'd taken the day before - the doctor I had seen first (who was nice, and respectful, and kind - everything a doctor should be!), had ordered for them to check again for a UTI.  The hospital told me I would have to get my midwife to ring up for the results.  So I rang my m/w, told her what they'd said, and she told me she'd let me know.  Around 1.30pm she rang me to say they didnt DO any tests on me from the day before, and that one person she spoke to said I did have BV, but that the other person said I DIDN'T have BV...  She was confused - I was confused...  She told me to continue with my antibiotics for BV, that she'd prefer me have the course, than stop - then find out I DID have the infection, and end up going into pre-term labour - which would be a very bad thing at this point in pregnancy.

It is now Sunday.  I am still taking my antibiotics.  I still have cramps (which I have read & been told, can be caused by BV, or the antibiotics to cure it!).  I am slowly starting to feel normal, and to not stress constantly.  Emersyn is kicking me lots, which is the best piece of reassurance I can get - seeing as the doctors can't give me any reassurance - or straight answers!!!!  Gaby stayed at her fathers last night, so I've been able to sit & relax, and do nothing - just worry about myself.. which has been good.  I have the midwife again on Tuesday - and I'm sure it'll be a big debrief... If my pee stick (that tests for glucose, protein, wbc) comes up even slightly positive for WBC, I am going to ask that she arranges for tests.  

My sister gave birth 5 weeks early, after a UTI was left untreated - and caused her to go into labour.  There is NO WAY I am going to let that be even a slight possibility for me...

Appointments galore!

Wednesday I had a midwife appointment, and I remembered just how amazingly wonderful my midwife - Julz, is!!!!  She is so friendly, funny & knowledgable, I always leave her appointments, feeling fabulous!  She got me to explain what had happened on Monday, with my seizure, trip to the hospital etc, and she was sympathetic - especially about the doctor not being able to find the heartbeat (on his ANCIENT DOPPLER!).  We had a talk about what I can expect seeing the high risk ob, and that she wasn't sure if I would see the high risk ob right the way through now, or if it would just be a one off appointment...  I don't mind either way, I am more than happy just seeing Julz, but what pregnant Mama is going to complain about extra monitoring?! 

- my blood pressure is fine

- my urine was free of all nasties (glucose, blood, protein)

- fundus is measuring spot on

- found heartbeat a lot faster than at the hospital, and it was 155-162bpm!

I go back to the midwife on February 9th.

At my m/w appt, Julie also gave me my form to arrange my 19-21 week (anatomy) ultrasound, which I rang up and scheduled this morning, and it is for January 29th @ 9.30am, being a Friday it means that my Mum can come, and I have told my Dad that he is more than welcome to come too - but I'm aware that that might be a bit 'girly' for him.  Hehe. I'm already way excited about it & counting down the days - because I will (hopefully!) get to find out if baby is a girl or a boy!  I don't mind whether it is a girl or a boy - another girl will be awesome, but a little boy will be super special as well.  All my gut instincts have been saying GIRL GIRL GIRL GIRL GIRL, to the point where I haven't considered that this baby COULD be a boy (besides choosing a name!), and I warned Mum that if it does turn out to be a boy, I may very well faint right there on the table! 

Today when I got back from our day out with Mum, I found that my appointment with the high-risk ob @ the hospital, has arrived in the mail, and that appointmet is for February 4th @ 1.40pm.  I am a little nervous about that particular appointment, because I am sure it'll be somewhat more 'serious' than my midwife appointments - and I'm also nervous because I will be finding out the potential risks that my (epilepsy) medication could have on the baby... my midwife assured me she's had plenty of patients on that medication before, and the babies have all been fine, so I'm taking that as a good thing...

Scary, scary morning...

Background: When I was 11/12 I was diagnosed with nocturnal grand mal epilepsy - ie I only ever had seizures when I was asleep, and would have no idea until I woke up the next morning & felt like I had been hit by a truck, reversed over & then hit again. Was put on meds in 1997 - 2001 I came off them, and was seizure free until April 2007, when I started having seizures again (though this time they weren't the same type of seizure - they were petit mal, but still nocturnal). I was put on the meds again, and then started weaning off them in May 2009 - before we began TTC. I have been fine up until now...

Then I woke up this morning & realised I had obviously had a seizure during my sleep. If I wasn't pregnant I wouldn't have cared, but being that I'm pregnant, I had no idea if it could have harmed the baby, so I went to see my GP, after talking to my m/w... The GP got out their (ancient!!) doppler, and tried to listen to the h/b for about 4 minutes, but the only one he could pick up was mine!!!! He told me to 'not worry' (yea right), but that I had to go up to the Womens' Hospital, so they could investigate further.

I had to drive to the hospital (which was hard when I was freaking out!), and my Dad met us there (me, Gab & my friend).. we found our way to the gyne ward, and had to wait about half an hour to be seen.. the nurse took me in, did my BP etc, and then told me to lie down so we could listen for the heartbeat. Again all I could hear was silence, or my heartbeat... It was the most excruciating wait, but FINALLY she picked up the fetal heartbeat.. I cannot explain how relieved I was... while we were trying to find it, I was going through things in my head, trying to figure out who would look after Gaby while I was in hospital delivering, and how I would tell my parents.. how I would tell Jason... how the heck I would explain it to Gaby...

The h/b was 145bpm, and my BP was fine - the nurse who was doing the doppler, said that baby was hiding really well, and because I'm overweight there was a bit more 'padding' to get through... Because of my seizure I feel as if I have been hit by a truck, and my

So now I have to wait to find out what to do about my epilepsy. A lot of anti-epileptic medications are unsafe during pregnancy - and I would prefer to not go on them, but at the same time - if a seizure can put the baby at risk - I don't exactly want to have to worry about that either......

 Update:  I spoke to my GP, who spoke to the neuro at the hospital, and they both believed it was in my best interests to go back on my medication.  There is a risk to the baby, being on the medication - BUT there are also lots of risks associated with seizures during pregnancy (to the baby, to me)... so either way there is a risk, but I had to do what I felt would produce the least risk.  I am on a minimal dose of my epilepsy medication (half of what I would normally be on - and then what I'm 'usually' on, is still a low dose anyway), and am also on a high dose folic acid (5mg, rather than 0.8mg).  The doctor told me that the highest risk time, for effects, is 0-12 weeks, and now that I am passed that point, he thinks that I should be fine.  To be on the safe side, he has referred me onto the high risk ob clinic, and they will provide extra monitoring...  So there may even be another couple of ultrasounds in it for me.  I won't complain about that!

Never been more glad to be wrong!!!!!!

We have a heartbeat!!!!!!!!!!!

the ultrasound tech started out doing an abdominal u/s - and I was shocked when a gestational sac was evident!  She then switched to internal u/s  - and we were able to see our little bean!  After zooming in really close and watching, she was able to see a heartbeat as well - which shocked me!  I figured that even if things were okay - that it'd be too soon for a heartbeat, but nope - there it was, flickering away like a little butterfly (as she called it).  Heartbeat was 95bpm, which she said was good....

I cried so much when she said there was a heartbeat.... such a relief... :)