Happy 2010!

It has been 2010 for 7 hours, 49 minutes now - and so far, the year is off to a good start - by that I mean I got to sleep in, until 7.30!  Wow...  I've been trying to decide if 2009 was a good year, or a bad year for me, and I think that in general it was a good year.  Though I had some things happen that were bad, there was also a tonne of good mixed in... I got to learn more about myself, I experienced love, I got pregnant & of course I got to watch Miss Gaby growing up, even more... & seeing her developing from a toddler, to a child, has been one of the highlights of my LIFE. 

It's amazing, thinking that she was once as tiny as this baby is now, that she was once a helpless newborn, that she was once incapable of moving around, that she relied on me to feed her, to dress her, to change her nappies.... & now she dresses herself, feeds herself, goes to the toilet by herself, talks up a storm, is aware of the world around her, she can count to 10 (well she can count to 'eleventy')... she's an clever, healthy, cheerful, wise, insightful, just simply wonderful, young child!

2010 is going to be a crazy, exciting year for me - and for Gaby...  There are now approximately 23-24 weeks until this little bundle of joy will be born - we are getting well down toward the 'last half' of the pregnancy, and it is exciting, yet scary - all at the same time!!  Baby is starting to move a lot more now, which is reassuring - but I find that if he/she doesn't move for a few hours, it causes me to freak out that something is wrong, and that whole feeling sort of takes me over, until baby decides to humour me, and gives me a few obvious kicks.  It will be good to get to the point of my pregnancy, where the movements are regular & more than obvious... I just try to remind myself that a few more weeks and it will be a bit less nervewracking, but that doesn't mean the next few weeks won't go slowly!  I think I am starting to get a bit of a belly - well, my shape is changing anyway.  I'm very overweight, so I probably won't LOOK obviously pregnant (to others) until closer to the third trimester - that kind of upsets me, but I guess I am used to it, after being pregnant with Gaby.  I 'popped' at 26w0d last time, which was a lot later than most of the women in my DDC... but I think it *may* happen earlier this time.. sure hope so!

To everyone who reads this:  I hope you & your family have a wonderful 2010, and that it is full of joy & wonder!

Christmas 2009.. over & done!

We had a fabulous Christmas Day!!  I woke up on and off from 5am, but I woke at 6.15am, and Gaby woke up too - so I figured that was a decent enough time to start Christmas Day.  Gaby seemed to have forgotten about Santa, as it wasn't until she came back to the bedroom & her Santa sack was on the bed, that she seemed to get excited.  Mum came into the bedroom - I guess she'd been awake early too, and sat on the bed with us, while Gaby opened her presents.  It was so cute seeing her getting excited about the various presents, I think she was very happy with her little Santa haul!

 

We went into the lounge afterward, to let Poppa sleep awhile longer - Gaby had some muesli (granola?) for breakfast, and then watched some Playhouse Disney... VERY surprisingly, she didn't bother us about opening the presents under the tree, and she waited extremely patiently, for Poppa to get up.  Around 8am Poppa got up, and we were onto the tree presents!

Gaby was extremely spoilt!  She got:

• a box of wooden puzzles, from Nana Joyce
• a beach towel, in a bag, from Grandma
• a toy piano, from Aunty Jane
• a box of 3 ducks, filled with bubble bath, from me
• a Dora top, Dora pencil case set, Little Miss Chatterbox singlet & undies set, a Dora beach towel, and a Dora cushion, from Nan & Poppa
• a pair of shoes and some hair clips, from Jasmine & Alice
• a bottle of bubble mixture, from Livi & Will
• a bottle of bubble mixture, from Debbie & Mark
• a Dora hooded beach towel, from Rikki & Sarah

 

Her final present, was from me.  The first part of her present, was a Dora helmet - she was excited about this, but sort of had the attitude of "great - a helmet - but what use is it without a bike?", so Nan told her that she could ride on Poppa's bike with the helmet, or on her bike - and that seemed to cheer Gaby up.  It was then we went out to the garage so that she could have a ride on 'Poppas' bike....  Of course she got out to the garage & there, parked beside Poppa's bike - was the Dora bike she has been asking for for MONTHS!  She was quite overwhelmed, and all she said was "Oh - I think I'll ride this bike!!" - she got on the bike & then off she went!!!

 

At 11am, Gaby left to spend 4 hours at her fathers house, so we had a little peace and quiet, until Debbie, Mark, Rikki, Sarah & Corey arrived, around 11.30... We had a lovely time catching up, and just relaxing - Christmas Dinner (lunch) OF COURSE, was a complete success, and resulted in a lot of full tummys... Rikki & Corey (cousins) went and had little Nana naps afterward, which seemed funny - isn't it meant to be the old[er] people who go for naps after Christmas lunch?!

The afternoon went past quickly - 3pm Gaby got back from her fathers, and she played non stop, until around 10.30pm, when we went home!  There was no real evening meal - everyone just helped themselves to the deserts and left overs from lunch, which is just the way it should be - why have a big effort for dinner, if there is still enough food left over from lunch, to feed an army?!  We played a little singstar later in the evening, and then played a game of Cranium - boys vs girls, which I am proud to announce, the girls won!

As I said, we went home around 10.30pm, and as soon as we got home we were in bed.  Gaby fell straight to sleep, but I was still buzzing a bit from the lovely day we'd had - though I soon nodded off too.  Gaby woke me up around 8.15am - which is a HUGE sleep in for me, so that was a lovely surprise!

I hope everyone else had as wonderful a day as we did!

Merry Christmas!

Oh - and those of you taking tally - Gaby got a total of 8 Dora presents...

 

Involving Gaby in my pregnancy...

Gaby has had me (basically) all to herself, since the moment she was born - and I know that with the new baby arriving, for the first time in her life, she is going to have to 'share' me...  And I want to make sure that I can make the transition as easy as possible for her... I  worry that the baby is going to arrive and she is going to feel second best, or as though the baby is more important than her.  That of course would NOT be the truth - if anything it is going to make her even more important to me, and is going to make me love her all the more.....

I'm trying to involve her in my pregnancy, as much as I can... she's been to my ultrasounds with me, though the first two she didn't really 'understand' what was happening, because the baby didn't look like a baby, but this last one she got visibly excited when she saw the baby - looking very much like a baby!  Every now and then I try to explain to her how big the baby is, and what new things it is doing - being that she's 3,  I don't go into a lot of detail, but I feel as though if I tell her, it's another way for her to feel involved - like it's not some 'secret big person business'....  When we look at baby clothes & equipment, I always involve her - asking what she thinks the baby will need, and what baby clothes she thinks are the cutest - she gets very animated when we do this, ripping things off the stands, and "oooo-ing" and "ahhh-ing" at how cute various outfits are.  When it came to deciding on the names, I asked her if she liked each of the names - and then let her choose one of the girl's middle names - so when she's older, she knows that she was part of naming her...  I also refer to the baby as OUR baby - not Mummy's baby, not MY baby, but OUR baby...

But then I have to ask myself if there needs to be balance - is talking so much about the baby, making her feel as though the baby is the most important thing going on in our lives at the moment?  She always seems happy to talk about the baby, and generally I take her lead as far as talking about the baby goes.. but perhaps I do need to create some special no-baby-talk-time, take Gaby out for special outtings, do special things with her, where there is NO talk about the baby, NO mention that I'm pregnant - where it is all about her...

I guess I need to just follow my instincts, and follow her lead as well... pay attention to how she is when we do talk about the baby.. if she seems grumpy, or not happy, perhaps that would be an indicator to tone things down a bit... but if she is excited and talking about the baby a lot - perhaps that'd be an indicator that I'm doing okay & she feels happy with the way things are......

This isn't really something I had thought about before I got pregnant... I presumed it'd be a natural progression, and I guess in some ways it IS... but I'm really worried about doing this the right (or wrong) way, and any lasting effect it could have on Gaby.....

the Christmas countdown is on!

There are only 6 days now (in NZ anyway), until Christmas Day!  It seems to have snuck up on me this year, I guess because I've had so much else going on - and particularly in the past few months... it seems like it was only Gaby's birthday a few weeks ago - yet, we are now in the final week countdown!!!!  Luckily for me, Gaby doesn't understand how close Christmas is - because I remember how much me & Terri (sister) annoyed Mum & Dad when we were kids, and Christmas was oh-so-close!!! 

The plan for Christmas day (so far) is that we (Gaby & I) will stay at my parents house on Christmas Eve, to save having to pack up and head over part way through the morning.  My Aunty & Uncle (Deb & Mark) will be there, along with Rikki & Sarah (cousin & his g/f) - and then around 2.30pm, my sister's flight will land - and she'll be on her way over!  Gaby is going with her father at 11am, probably until around 3pm - which will make things easier for us, as we're waiting until my sister arrives, to open a bulk of the presents... so it won't be such torture for Gaby, if she isn't there!

What started out as a 'simple' Christmas Day menu, has ended up rather large - with delights including:
Ham (one of Debbie & Marks pigs, which got hammified - aptly he was named 'Ham'...)
Turkey (the only Christmas meat I eat..)
New potatoes (fresh from Dad's garden)
Baby carrots (fresh from Dad's garden)
Peas (fresh from the freezer.. lol)
Lettuce salad (ala Debbie)
Macaroni salad (my Mum is FAMOUS for her Mac Salad! BUT she's letting me make it!)
Trifle (a must have apparently, though I don't like it, and can't eat due to the alcohol!)
Cheesecake (ala Debbie)
Fruit Salad (ala Sarah & Rikki.. well, Sarah.. I'm sure Rikki will watch though)
Ambrosia (my baby!  my favourite Christmas dessert treat!)

... I can just see all the bloated stomachs, come 3pm, already!

Splishn' Splashn' Fun!

The past two days I have taken Gaby to QEII swimming pool - and we have had such a GREAT time!!!!!  It's been awhile since I took her to the pool, and I have to say, it is a lot more enjoyable now!  She is starting to get adventurous in the water, wanting to kick, wanting to play on the floaty toys, and wanting to be carried out to the deep end (which is hard, with me being so short! LOL!)... not to mention going around the river.  Yesterday we spent two hours in the water, and today it was a little under two hours... she probably would have stayed all day if I had let her!

Now I am thinking, it is important for me to get her into some Swimsmart swimming classes.  Ever since I can remember, I have been confident in the water, and been able to swim - and I want the same for Gaby.  I don't want her to be 6 or 7 & to have NO idea what to do, if she falls into a swimming pool, etc etc - I don't care if she's not an A grade swimmer, but I am sure I'd feel more reassured (as a parent), knowing that she knows how to float, and tread water, etc etc.  I will hopefully get her signed up for Term 1, 2010 - seeing as Term 4, 2009 is almost over. 

Seeing as Kindy is over for the year now, I think I might try to take Gaby to the pool three times a week, on days where she WOULD have had Kindy, so that her days aren't as boring... it's something I know that we can do no matter what the weather - and it's only $3.00 for me & her to get in, so it's hardly going to break the bank!  Hopefully if it's a regular thing, when she starts her swimming classes, it's not going to be such a huge transition for her....

"No - I want a GIRL!" & names

I think it is pretty accurate of me to say, that Gaby wants a little sister!  A couple of days ago, I was trawling through baby name websites, looking for the *perfect* boys name - because while girls names sing out to me, boys names don't...  I was going through my list of boys names, asking Gaby which name she liked..

"do you like Jackson?"
"NO"
"do you like Jacob?"
"NO"
"do you like Kaidyn?"
"NO"
"do you like Kayleb?"
"NO"
"do you like Jameson?"
"NO - I WANT A GIRL!"
... it made me laugh - she had such conviction in her voice!

As it stands, I have now decided on THE boys name & THE girls name, for this little bundle of joy.  If baby is a boy - his name will be Lucas Warrington-James.  Warrington & James, are the names of both of my Grandfather's who have passed away, and I've always wanted to tribute them, by using their names as part of one of my childrens middle names.  If the baby is a girl, her name will be Emersyn Georgia-May.  Georgia is a name that Gaby likes, and I thought it'd be nice to let her feel part of naming the baby... and May is my Mum's middlename, and I wanted to name a daughter after her. 

Now I just need to wait until the 20 week ultrasound, to find out whether baby is indeed an Emersyn, or a Lucas!  Jason & I had decided to not find out the sex of the baby - but now that we're not together, I *want* to know what the sex of the baby is, so that I can get better prepared, as far as buying appropriate clothes etc etc.  I was quite happy waiting until after baby was born to buy girl/boy clothes - but i know money will be even tighter when the baby arrives, so if I can start stocking up after the 20w u/s, it will make things a lot easier.  If Jason doesn't want to know the sex of the baby still, that is fine - I won't tell him, I completely understand his reasons for wanting it to be a surprise...

Ultrasound #3!

Today I had the 12 week ultrasound - and again, it had a very positive outcome!  Had a bit of a problem in the beginning, when my bladder was too full to get any decent pictures, so I had to go to the toilet, and then she did an internal... I didn't mind at all, because we got some really really awesome pictures of the baby!  Mum and Gaby went with me, I think my Mum got quite emotional, and Gaby got really excited, when the u/s tech explained to her what the baby was doing, at certain points in the u/s.  I don't know what the heartrate was, but going by the measurements on the u/s pics, baby is now measuring around 5.75cm!  4.10cm longer than last time I saw her (him?).

Without further adieu, here are some pictures!

 

 

 

I have a midwife appointment tomorrow morning at 10.30am, and I'm hoping we'll get to listen to the heartbeat - and to actually get a reading this time!

Changes..... perhaps it's my norm...

Without going into all the details, Jason and I have broken up.  I am back to being a single parent - and I am wondering if perhaps single parenting is just the norm for me - if it is what I'm meant to be.  I've always believed there is 'someone for everyone', but perhaps that isn't true?  Perhaps I am just destined to grow old alone - with my family, but with no 'significant other'.  In the past this thought would have made me cry, but I am now wondering if it is indeed the truth - and strangely, I am content with that thought.

OF COURSE I'm upset - I was so so SO sure this was it for me, that we would grow old and happy together, that we'd chase each other around the retirement home, on our canes or walking frames.  I didn't want this to happen, I didn't want another of my children, to be brought into the world, in a situation where there wasn't a stereotypical family unit functioning.... ie I wanted Mum/Dad/Gaby/Baby, all living together, all loving each other.  I know how hard it was with Gaby, trying to get my head around bringing her up myself, how to keep her father involved, how to make boundries, how to decide who gets Christmas, birthdays, easter, etc etc....

Yet, I'm right back there.  I know that Jason fully intends on being a huge part of this bubby's life - and NATURALLY I want that to happen, I want nothing more than for our son/daughter to have a great relationship with his/her father, and to know that he/she can rely on him... something that sadly, Gaby doesn't have with her own father.  It goes with out saying that I would still like for me & Jason to work out - that when we've both worked on our seperate issues, that we can try to get *us* back on track, but I'm also not fooling myself, because I know that that doesn't always happen, and that it's not always for the best.  I tried SO many times with Gaby's father, BECAUSE I wanted Gaby to have a 'normal' family, but all it ended up doing was making me unhappy, making him unhappy - and confusing the heck out of Gaby.

Now is the time for me to work on ME again... I have been feeling somewhat depressed lately, and put it down to pregnancy hormones, but I think part of it may simply be the depression, which I have suffered from, on and off, since I was 13.  I don't necessarily want to go on meds - I prefer not to be on any meds during pregnancy, so perhaps I can organise some form of counselling.  Now is also the time for me to concentrate on my relationship with my fabulous little girl - she's had so many changes to her life lately, that I want to give her more of a sense of stability - and more than anything, I want her to know that her Mama loves her more than ANYTHING in the world, and that she can rely on me.  I don't think I've done too bad with her, but I admit, there are aspects to my parenting, that I could work on.  The past 12 weeks I have been so exhausted from the pregnancy, that I haven't done a lot of activities with her, we haven't really done anything 'fun', or 'exciting' - and I want to get all of that back.  I want our bond to be as strong as it can be, before the next major uphevel (ie the arrival of baby) in our lives....

I firmly believe that everything in life happens for a reason - and I know that there is a lesson in *all* of this, now is the time for me to learn & understand the lesson, and to make positive decisions, for myself - and for Gaby....

Getting closer to that 'magic' 12w mark...

Today I am 11w4d pregnant - and I cannot tell you how much I am willing Wednesday to arrive.  Why Wednesday?  Because I will be 12w0d, and as far as miscarriage goes, that is the 'magic' mark, where chances of miscarrying get a lot slimmer.  Naturally I know that it can still happen - and of course me being me, I won't feel completely out of the woods, until our little Albany or Kaidyn is safely in my arms, around June 15th-ish...  BUT still, knowing that we are out of that high risk point, it will provide some reassurance for me!

I have been slack as far as arranging my 12w ultrasound goes - I keep forgetting to ring up, so  I must remember to do that on Monday.  I am hoping they can get us in on Friday, so that my Mum can go to the ultrasound - while some people like to keep ultrasounds a private, intimate experience, *I* enjoy sharing the love & joy, and having members of my family go with me.  I think that subconsciously, part of me wants Mum to be there, incase it turns out that something has gone wrong... I'm such a Mummy's girl at the moment, and know that her being there if I find out bad news, will make the situation a little more... less awful... in some way...  I don't have any reason to expect anything to be wrong though, so hopefully what I'm feeling is just normal pre-ultrasound anxiety!

I started feeling little movements while we were away, down south - and it's such a magical, wonderful feeling!!!!  Obviously the movements aren't huge yet, and I only really notice them if I am sitting still - some days I don't feel any, and other days I feel 3-4 a day...  it's nice for the extra reassurance it brings, and luckily I know not to worry on the days I DON'T feel anything - because I know it is still really early, in the scheme of things.  I thought I was going crazy when I started feeling movement, but after texting some friends who've recently had baby #2, it seems that it isn't completely impossible to be feeling movement now. 

Jason told his Mum about the baby, so now everyone who we wanted to know, knows about the pregnancy - and we have been so blessed, that everyone has had positive reactions to the news!  Gaby is very cute when talking about the baby - she tells me all the things that he/she will need when he/she is born, and this morning was talking about how the baby will need to be wrapped in a blanket, otherwise it'll get cold & sick...  I cry when I think about Gaby meeting the baby for the first time.. it's going to be such a sweet moment in my life.. to see my two babies, together.... to see that bond at the exact second it starts to form...  (see, I'm crying now, just writing that!)